Adventures in Queer Parenting

New Beginnings

2011-09-21T21:56:00.000-07:00

Long time no blog! We are doing well and continuing to grow and learn as a family. Quinn is amazing, challenging, and frequently quirky and crazy. She moved to a new classroom this fall at her fabulous school. Apparently Q is like her Mommy and has trouble with transitions--it has been a little heartbreaking to go back to crying drop offs but I think she is starting to adjust.

It is interesting for us as she and her tiny friends have become so social and great at talking. Q has been talking about families a lot lately--she knows that many of her friends have a Mommy and a Daddy but is very clear that she does not have a Daddy she has a Zaza. We have found that in parenthood as with life in general the things that we have to be more vocal about are less to do with sexual orientation but more about gender and gender identity. Possibly because we live in Portland and have a very supportive school atmosphere (I really want to acknowledge the wonderfulness of our city) we have many people that go out of their way to point out to their kids or correct their kids around the fact that Quinn has "two mommies". They aren't doing this in a negative way and really I believe everyone is coming from a good heart and trying to be supportive...but Q doesn't have two mommies. She has a mommy and a zaza. So we are in a position of deciding how to let people know this in a way that doesn't create tension and still gets the point across. I think we have done well--most of the time we just say something like "actually Quinn has a mommy and a zaza--I'm her xxx, insert name here--nice to meet you". People have responded well although I don't think they really get it--even when we clarify with--well, Taylor doesn't identify as male or female so mommy and daddy don't really work but I think it is important to be clear and proud about who we are as a family for us and for Q. I can't wait to see what conversations we have as she gets older!

Quinnisms

2011-05-08T21:42:00.000-07:00

After dropping food on the floor:

"It happens"

Her new phrase when she hasn't seen you in a little while:

"How ya doin today, mommy/zaza?"

Also used:

"How ya doin' today, Zaza's tummy?"

After she told us she had an owie and we asked how she was doing:

"No big deal"

When she gets upset:

"Keen (how she says Quinn) takes a break and breathes" (we have taught her some relaxation breathing).

And my favorite of the month, especially given the gender issues involved, Quinn's new occasional name for Zaza makes me giggle every time.

"Miss Zaza"

The picture on this post is Quinn and her cousin. She really enjoys holding hands and hugging friends.

Quinn sings ABCs

2011-04-03T21:25:00.000-07:00

Here is an awkwardly captured video of Quinn singing the ABCs. She has just started this in the last week and her progress seems quite impressive. She also loves chanting numbers, any number from 1 to 9, and sometimes 10; she chants these numbers in very unique combinations and orders. So far, we can't discern a pattern, but she does seem to have a fondness for 2, 3, 8. We have a back-log of videos that we will try to post. And now that Taylor has school to procrastinate, some of them might even be posted in the coming weeks!

Tired Mama Ramble

2010-12-17T22:44:00.000-08:00

Another year, another work holiday party! I think our picture turned out rather nice. Quinn is crazy busy all the time and she is speaking more and more in sentences. Also, she notices things that I don't even notice---and I've come the conclusion that Quinn and Taylor share the same OCD quirks (or maybe Taylor is really a toddler). They like things to be done in the same repetitive way, thrive on routine, and like correcting me. So much for genetics!! We finished teaching our class except for final grades which is a big relief and somewhat of a downer as we enjoyed our students quite a bit. I know it was probably just another class to them but it was a wonderful experience for us and I hope that they learned something. We have been asked to be on a panel at a local gender and sexuality conference in the spring. I think the panel is "queering the family" or something along those lines so it should be fun. I know this is rather disjointed but I am exhausted! I really wanted to post though. Solstice is coming up next Tuesday and I am really surprised this year by how much I want it to be meaningful for Q. We have a small tree and are trying to establish traditions that are consistent. I want it to be meaningful for us too--developing your own holiday stuff is exhausting--almost makes me want to revert back to Christmas and Santa but not enough because seriously, Santa creeps me out. Happy Holidays!

We are back!

2010-11-20T14:57:00.000-08:00

Months...I know! Apparently working full time jobs, teaching a class, and having a toddler is time consuming. Quinn is doing great--she talks in five word sentences now ("mama, sit down right there!"), can identify things ("silly mama, here bra"--while I am getting dressed), has developed a voice (which means she runs shrieking through the house), and has a clear sense of self ("Who are you?" "Kin, I Kin"--her version of "Quinn"). She loves school, blocks, balls and her Zaza. Here is a super cute picture of one of her Halloween costumes (she was a tiger for a few minutes and a pumpkin for an afternoon). Enjoy!

My Time with Quinn ...or, The Adventures of an Unemployed Aunt

2010-07-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

A few months back when I invited myself to stay with Taylor, Megan and Quinn, I thought that it would be a pleasant way to spend the first month or so of my unemployment. Lest you think I'm a complete layabout, I suppose I should mention that I had a one-year fellowship that ended in May and there is a pretty good job prospect that will likely come to fruition soon-ish. And yes, I would introduce myself as a fellow.

Returning to my expectations of what my visit would entail, I expected tons of pleasant time with Quinn, but that there would be sufficient amounts of time to spend in some of my favorite pursuits—reading, knitting, and watching films. Cut to 5 weeks since I left Missouri for the trek westward, and I've only read or re-read 8 books or so, barely finished half of a single knitting project, and only seen two films in the theater. And frankly, I would call my time spent with Quinn as exhausting. At times stressful. Often fun and full of wonder.

It's amazing to me how much she's changed and developed just since my arrival on June 6th. Her vocab in both words and signs, as mentioned in the previous post, has increased. Aside from when she wears her brand new purple Chuck sneakers (a half-birthday from her favorite aunt), she no longer walks with a seemingly drunken stagger. She's clearly grown as many of her socks and pajamas are starting to get tight. And Quinn's also starting to take more notice of the world around her and trying to identify or figure out people, animals, objects, etc.

It's obviously not all amazement and good times though. She's suffering from a horrible diaper rash currently and this comes after running a bit of a fever, developing canker sores, another slight and fortunately brief fever, and an ear infection. And that's just in the time I've been here. Fret not, as Quinn is showing what a hardy and typically good natured little person she can be. Not all the time, however. There was an instance during which she screamed, cried, kicked, and just WOULD NOT settle down after I removed her from the presence of her parents who had to attend a function at a university and she started to fuss. I got loads of sympathetic but judgmental looks from several passerby's. I still shudder thinking about it. My subsequent babysitting experiences have gone much more smoothly. It helped considerably that two of the three were after her bedtime.

Though I know it's just part of being a toddler, but there are days when I'm certain she's bipolar. Her moods change quickly and while, as mentioned before by those who know her best she is quite the good natured child, it can be physically and emotionally draining to spend time with her. She's fickle as well. One of her favorite words is “no.” Often, though, she won't really mean it. If offered food, she may not take it at first, but in the next second will then gobble it up (she's often cautioned to chew and swallow before taking more).

She’s learning at a rapid pace and has started to mimic certain sounds or gestures. I’ve taken great pleasure in trying to expand her vocabulary and range of expressions. For example, I’ve tried to introduce “fiduciary” into her everyday conversation but so far she finds it more amusing than educational. And one of these days she’s going to have a great evil baby laugh as she can throw her head back with abandon. She just needs to practice on finessing the cackle.

While I’m sad to be leaving, I’m incredibly glad to know that technology exists that allows me to see and speak with her on at least a weekly basis. Still, I very much anticipate my next visit and can’t wait to see the next batch of changes.

Quinn update

2010-06-25T21:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I forget to post for so long that when I think about doing it I talk myself out of it. Quinn continues to grow like crazy and learn all kinds of new things. To make it simpler and ease myself back into posting here are 10 things that I can remember happening in the last few months!!

1. Quinn's language skills continue to develop. Tonight at bedtime she said "monkey" and apparently a couple nights ago at dinner she said "hell yeah" to her Aunt Irene and Zaza...Zaza tried to tell her it should be "Hells yeah" but she wasn't buying it. She has about 10 plus words now that she uses on a regular basis.

2. She runs everywhere. Everywhere. She is quite busy.

3. She also signs quite a bit and is most emphatic about saying "more, please!".

4. We had visitors (Thanks for coming Moyer family!) and a trip to OMSI.

5. We were told by one of her teachers that they think she will be good at sports as she "full body tackled" one of her little friends.

6. She has developed a shoe fetish. She likes to pick them up, hand them to people, play with them. She is also very excited to put on her indoor shoes or outdoor shoes.

7. She likes to poke her head out the cat door into the garage if she thinks people are out there and shout "hi".

8. She now pushes and pulls on people saying "up" if she would you to come play with her.

9. She tantrums. We are not amused. Okay, a little because it is hard not to be when she flops on the floor.

10. Her skin issues continue with a diagnosis of canker sores in the mouth today. We have to swab her mouth with a mylanta and benadryl mixture. Poor baby.

Stay tuned for a guest blog from Aunt Irene!

--Megan

Quinn dances

2010-03-19T16:26:00.001-07:00

Quinn showing off some of her dancing moves in the middle of her quest to get to the cat. She really does enjoy music and gets lots of chances to dance both at home and at school.

Quinn swings

2010-03-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

So, we discovered in the last couple of weeks that Quinn really likes to swing. We hadn't tried putting her in one except for once when she was about 8 months old. She didn't like it at that point - and was actually kind of scared of it - but that is no longer the case as you can see for yourselves. There is a baby swing at the community center down the street from our house as well as one at the playground in the big park near us so we do have our choice of swings, it usually depends on how much energy Quinn's parents have in deciding to which one to walk.

Additionally, Quinn took her first two steps last Friday, though we think that she didn't realize she did so... she did realize that her parents are a little weird and enthusiastic though! She is much more secure in standing by herself and is doing so for longer periods of time (and more frequently) each day. She has taken a couple of small steps since Friday but nothing big like her first ones. We think that once she does, she'll pretty much just take off. We are impressed with her sense of body control and balance. Her speed crawling will pay off when it comes to her life-long coordination!

-Taylor

March Update

2010-03-04T20:38:00.001-08:00

Quinn is doing great--she is so big that I feel cliche making comments about how time has flown and I don't know how she got so grown up. She is playing peekaboo (and even said it once), trying to say book and more, cruising around although not walking on her own yet. She has big kid shoes, holds her own bottles, and eats chunky food. We even went on a play date last month which was fun and we are extremely relieved and excited that she likes her new school so much. The smaller class size and the time spent outside has created a much calmer environment for her and us. I think going three consecutive days a week works much better as well.

Someone said that we were "natural parents" the other day and I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. While a lot of parenting seems second nature most of it is new and challenging and challenges us as partners as well. Which I think is one of the reasons that we aren't planning on having another child--we could change our mind someday but right now this feels like the right decision for us.

I think the biggest thing about being a parent is the loss of the control from what you want and what your child wants/needs. Also, we thought we were prepared for some of the random questions and situations that our unique family faces but have still been surprised. We have been asked several times where we "got" Quinn (I usually reply "my uterus") as people assume she is adopted (although technically she is as Taylor had to adopt her), most of the time I don't mind talking about the donor or our process in getting pregnant but sometimes people ask really personal questions and it just depends on the mood I am in in terms of how I answer them, Taylor had to argue and call our lawyer after having some problems getting Quinn's amended birth certificate because they didn't understand that due to Oregon's domestic partnership law she was already on the original birth certificate and we learned a few weeks ago that one of Taylor's extended family made some nasty comment while I was pregnant that she wouldn't want her children playing with ours. Big loss---but still a reminder of what we (and more importantly Quinn) will have to deal with. Finally, I am continually surprised by how much people buy into gender roles even for babies. We have made a commitment to dress Q in gender neutral clothes until she can voice what she wants to wear and I constantly get people acting as if we are depriving her because she isn't in pink ruffles. I am wearing pink as I type this--we are not (okay maybe Taylor is) anti-pink but for us, because we view gender is such a different way than most of society, we are trying to give Quinn more of a chance to express herself and don't see this as a restriction.

These things aren't huge issues but little things that tend to wear on you sometimes--I think though, for me, it really energizes me to want to be an advocate for our family and for queer/trans folk. So despite our busy schedules we have decided to teach the Intro to Queer Studies class we taught when I was pregnant, again. Wish us luck!

2010 has to get better...right?

2010-02-05T20:11:00.000-08:00

January 2010 was not been the best month for the Doren family! Quinn had an ear infection with her first course of antibiotics, I had scarlet fever, and Taylor is a medical mystery and has had random and unexplained swelling with 4 trips to the emergency room and countless trips to the doctor but here are the things that are making February a better month:

1. Quinn is doing well (aside from the extreme stranger/separation anxiety)and is standing and starting to take steps while holding on to furniture. She had her 1 year check up yesterday and is hitting all of her milestones--we were told she is very verbal for her age and we should read lots and lots of books to her. She is in the 90th percentile for height, 45th for weight, and 70th for head circumference. She still loves to say hi to everyone, bye is said sometimes, uh oh is a favorite, mama but still not to me--although once the other day she seemed to say it to me and she said zaza to Taylor.

2. Taylor has found an allergist that has her on a new protocol. We are trying to determine if she has hereditary angioedema or if it is a different type of angioedema. It has been pretty scary and frustrating to not know what is going on and to have Taylor swell up like Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...her lips, hands, and even an ear today! She sees the doctor in a month to see how her body responds to this treatment. It feels good to have a plan.

3. My mom is visiting and Taylor's mom will come later this month which fills our house with grandparent love!

4. Quinn has started a new daycare (on 2/3) and it is going really well. We loved the people at St. James but since Quinn weaned herself from breastfeeding last month (another reason why January was a little sad for me) we didn't need a location so close to my work. We had toured two local centers in November and in January got a spot with one and then the other (which we preferred) had an opening so we forfeited the deposit on the first and went with the second. Those of you who know us and our agnostic beliefs (as well as distrust of organized religion) will find it amusing that our daughter is now attending a Jewish school. It is amazing though, with a max of 8 kids in her class (usually fewer), a toddler dedicated playground, opportunities to use the community center facilities that the school is linked to, and it is $150 less per month! Wonderful :)

5. Quinn's new favorite thing is to talk to family on the webcam--she now yells hi anytime she sees the computer. I have posted a picture of Taylor and I from December that Quinn particularly likes for some reason.

Happy February everyone! I hope it is a great month for all.

Megan

Quinn is turning one!

2010-01-07T20:42:00.000-08:00

Though it's hard to believe, Quinn's birthday is tomorrow. We are amazed at how quickly the year has passed and how grown up she seems. We were able to spend almost a week in Boise over New Year's at her grandparent's house. When we arrived she had three teeth which had broken through - when we left that had doubled, so she was working hard. She was very excited to hang out with her aunts, uncle, and grandparents, though they taught her a bad habit of spitting and she can't differentiate between it being ok when she's not eating and it not being ok when she is eating. She has pretty much mastered the ability to pull herself up and is able to stand by herself without holding onto anything for 2 or 3 seconds before falling onto her bum. We continue to be stressed, over-tired, and busy but we can't wait to see what her next year brings. The picture of the snail is something her Uncle David made (with some assistance from Aunt Leah) using only hand tools. It's her book buggy and is very cool!

Rambly updates!

2009-12-17T19:22:00.000-08:00

Sigh. My family is a mess of skin issues. On Tuesday the left side of Taylor's tongue swelled up and then it went away, and then on Wednesday she had swelling inside the lower part of her mouth, and today her wrists are swelling and she took Benadryl and has gone to bed. Quinn is actually ok and we haven't had to give her Benadryl in a couple weeks (since she ate the wheat and reacted...please don't let her allergy test show an allergy to wheat!!!). She has survived the worst diaper rash ever although it seems to be trying to make a come back (we used a few kinds of diaper cream, jock itch cream, compounded prescription cream, and finally an anti fungal that seemed to work)...and we have had to switch to 7th generation disposables.

Quinn had blood drawn for allergy testing and the results should be back on Monday. As we weren't able to expose her to eggs and a couple other things I am worried she is allergic but it won't show up. I am hoping for no allergies to soy and wheat. She has been weaning, which is sad for me and brought up all kinds of mommy guilt, but she is drinking diluted goat's milk (good for the lactose intolerant) and seems to be adjusting fairly well to that combined with breast milk.

What else? She is a super crawler and has even stood up a few times, has three teeth, says "hi", "bye" (not at the right times), "uh oh", and "mama"--but not to me. Oddly, her favorite word is sometimes "dada". She is trying on the "zaza" but isn't quite there. She is firmly in the stranger anxiety phase and can be clingy but is a really happy mellow kid still. The change to the "mobile" side of the room has been hard at daycare. If you are looking for daycare I would strongly encourage the selection of a daycare where the teacher moves with the kids or the kids stay with the same people as they grow.

Here is a picture of Quinn with her favorite great Aunt Kathy. For all of you who have asked Aunt Kathy is doing really well. The cancer was caught early and we have every hope that she will recover without the need for any more treatment.

Quinn crawls

2009-12-09T21:38:00.000-08:00

So, this clip was taken last month - in most other circumstances it would be considered recent, however, given the rate of babies' development this is rather old. You can see her perfected army crawl here... she has since perfected her hands and knees crawl. She enjoys doing this most just after her diaper has been taken off, naturally. She has even begun trying to pull herself up onto her feet. It's fascinating to see her development as it unfolds and we wish we could capture it all...

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T21:25:00.001-07:00

Quinn was still feeling a little sick today but we were able to enjoy a walk through the village where all the shops were handing out candy and they had some face painting, photography, and other fun activities. Hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween!

Quinn's two S activities

2009-10-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

So, Quinn and I just finished the third of three sign language classes at our local community center. The first week's topic was food signs, the second week's was action words and this last one was animals. It's really amazing how many of the signs we covered in class pertain to our day-to-day life - even the animal ones! I hadn't realized the number of animals depicted in children's books before - it's apparently a popular theme. Our other S activity is swimming lessons. We have gone for two weeks now and have another lesson tomorrow, though we may not attend because she ran a fever of 102.7 this morning and came home early from daycare. She responded well to my regime of medicine, food, liquids, and sleep but we're still not sure if taking her tomorrow is the best idea. There are a total of nine lessons this session. She seems to really love the water and does not mind in the least to have water on her face... she doesn't even mind my putting her face in the water. It's really neat to see the other children in her class respond differently, there's certainly a range of comfort levels represented by the group of 7 or 8 kids, of whom, Quinn is among the youngest. We are going to be starting another music class soon, but Megan assures me it won't be anything like our last music class and recitals will NOT be a requirement. I'm holding her to that.
Here's a picture of Quinn in her swim outfit, unfortunately, it's a little bit small. We'll have to look around for another one soon.----Taylor

Quinn's 9 month checkup appointment

2009-10-24T12:11:00.001-07:00

Quinn had her 9 month appointment last week. She is still in the 95th percentile for height, in the 75th for head circumference, and had dropped a lot to the 45th percentile for weight. The pediatrician was not that concerned as we explained Quinn loves to eat and eats a lot (and nurses too!) but will not want to see it go down at all by her next appointment. Our theory is that this is because she had a growth spurt a couple weeks ago and got quite a bit longer! I am a little worried but know that she is fine. We are adding some flax seed oil to her diet, we can start some proteins, and we are increasing her iron fortified cereal as her iron is a little low. We did decide to get her the swine flu vaccine as our pediatrician by some miracle had some. It was a little bit of a debate as Quinn is on a slow vaccine schedule and we weren't planning on giving her this but after some discussion with the pediatrician felt it was a good thing to do. She will need to go back on about a month for the two vaccines that she would have gotten at this appointment but can't be given with the swine flu vaccine. So we are finishing the first round of beans and lentils...we have been a little disappointed with them, so I am going to have to find some of my own recipes! Oh, also we were referred to a pediatric naturopath who is somewhat of an allergy and food sensitivity specialist and will make an appointment soon. I will keep you all updated.

Oh San Francisco, we do love you!

2009-10-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

We took our first plane trip with baby for my birthday trip to San Francisco. Anyone who knows me knows that I usually have to drug the crap out of myself to get on a plane. Since I am breastfeeding I obviously can't go the pharmaceutical route so decided to have a hypnotherapy session with the woman that did our hypnobirthing class...not really holding out much hope that it would be effective. I am now a big believer! Taylor will vouch for the fact that I was the calmest I have ever been on a plane (without drugs...with them, I am practically comatose). Quinn was a fabulous traveler and fell asleep before take off on the way there and was really chilled out on the way back. Taylor even managed to make small talk (which she hates) with the over-sharing woman next to her.

Our trip was fabulous, we saw some of our favorite places and people. Unfortunately we didn't always get to spend as much time as we had wanted (so sorry Sarah and Alex!) but it made us very nostalgic for the time we lived there. One of the best parts was spending some time with our friends April and Jake and their son and their nephew (we were a big group!) at the Academy of Sciences...amazing! Quinn was so moved that she donated her pacifier to the albino alligator's swamp. A biologist had to be paged and we politely turned down the offer of its return. I also had a wonderful birthday party with the above group and my friend Cindy who braved the drive to join us for the Mel's diner extravaganza.

I did have a moment (okay we had several) of really considering what it would be like to move back to San Francisco. There is such a great vibe and such amazing diversity in the city. Diversity in terms of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, etc. etc. I wondered if we are denying Quinn a richer cultural experience by living in Portland. Don't get me wrong, I love Portland but there is something about San Francisco. Hmmm something to think about. Thoughts?

Cute picture and health update

2009-09-14T19:10:00.000-07:00

Here is a cute picture of Quinn and her Uncle David with big smiles behind the pacifier. She is such a smiley little thing most times. Which is so great for the obsessive worrier of a parent that I am, I do try to control it! She has been diagnosed (if you want to use that word) with eczema on her face, ankles, and elbows. We are trying various creams and ointments and given her skins tendency to break into rash and hives the pediatricians office thinks that she will be the kid that needs to go to the allergist. She will probably have food allergies as well so we may end up being vegan again not by choice. She is a good sport and doesn't scratch too much and puts up with us rubbing random stuff all over her all the time. On a happier note we went to the pediatric ophthalmologist and instead of having actual strabismus she has psuedo-strabismus most likely because of her asian heritage...check out the links for information if interested. So no glasses yet but she goes back in at 2 1/2 or 3 and we will see then!

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001004.htm
http://www.eyecareamerica.org/eyecare/conditions/pseudostrabismus/index.cfm

Pioneer Days

2009-09-10T20:45:00.001-07:00

Here is a picture of Quinn with her Great Uncle Steve at Pioneer Days. Yes, that's right we go to Southern Oregon every year to pioneer it up with the family. This was Quinn's first time at Pioneer Days and our first time as a family in a hotel...we didn't get a lot of sleep but I did catch up on my late night t.v. with sound off and captions on as we have made it a priority to avoid the t.v. and computer for Quinn until at least 2 years of age. People seem to have fairly strong views about media and children...what does everyone think?

Quinn's First Recital

2009-08-06T20:24:00.000-07:00

The greatly anticipated video of Quinn's first recital. She seems surprisingly serious here - it was very hot and way past her bedtime!

Gay Yellow Pages

2009-07-23T19:09:00.001-07:00

Oh hey...I forgot to mention that we are the supermodels in the Alma Midwifery ad in Portland's Gay Yellow Pages...pick up a copy and check us out!

6 Months

2009-07-23T18:55:00.000-07:00

I know, I have been away too long especially as some sweet person thanked us for having this blog on our last post! I blame Facebook...it is an evil mistress that makes you start thinking about your life in one sentence fragments and obsess over all your old high school friends posts. But feel free to "friend" me if you are my friend and you can see all the inane quizzes I spend my time taking (my hippie name is Meadow Lotus Song and I rock at Buffy the Vampire Slayer trivia!). ANYWAY...back to the fabulousness that is our child.

Quinn had her 6 month checkup today. This doesn't mean that we haven't seen a pediatrician since her 4 month (we went in for welts and for congestion) but this was the first routine visit since then. She is in the 90% for head circumference, the 95% for height and the 85% for weight. She is a healthy active growing baby! She has started saying dadadadadada quite I bit (yes, I can appreciate the irony in that) and is still very strong. She loves to be on her tummy and push up on her arms. They did note that one of her eyes doesn't quite track as well---at little bit cross eyed so we are to see a pediatric ophthamologist (we have been referred to Dr. Wheeler: http://www.ohsucasey.com/bios/wheeler.html) for that. I have passed on my crappy vision genetics as I think I have something similar and the one of the few things that we didn't love about the sperm donor was that his vision sucked as well. Oh well, yay for early intervention! She will look quite dashing in an eye patch or tiny glasses.

Taylor and I feel like we are getting a little bit back to normal as a couple and as a family. I find the gender issues or people's perceptions of gender more challenging sometimes than anything having to do with sexual orientation but that is a ramble for another post!

Much love to all...

Rolling, rolling, rolling

2009-06-24T20:08:00.000-07:00

Food and Babies

2009-06-22T20:06:00.001-07:00

Tonight was banana night. The current prevailing wisdom in baby food is that you try one food for 3-5 days feeding them only 1 teaspoon or so for the first couple weeks and then increasing to two feedings a day. We have to admit that we do more like 1-3 Tablespoons because seriously a teaspoon is nothing! So far we have done sweet potatoes, brown rice cereal, pears and now banana's. Again, the amazing thing is that I am making the food myself, I know mushing up a banana doesn't sound complicated but figuring out how to brush my teeth is complicated for me some nights. Balancing work and parenthood is HARD, I have so much more appreciation for my own mother especially as she was a single mom. Back to food; so the child LOVES banana's and yelled at me tonight when I told her we were done. If I knew where the camera was I would have taken a picture, as it is Taylor is trying to add a couple new video's to the website. Quinn is also really excited when people say her name and has moments of being very sad at daycare if she sees us and we don't pick her up right away, she definitely knows who Mommy and Zaza are now...which selfishly is a pretty cool feeling. I am off to try to get lunches made and get to bed but I would like to take a moment to say congratulations to all the new parents we know (and those of you we don't!). This is a big baby year for our circle of friends and family so welcome babies Max, Ezra, Noah, Aubrey, Madison, Alexandra, Zahra, and soon to be here Blix!

Update

2009-06-11T20:14:00.001-07:00

Hi all! We are doing great or rather we are attempting to be doing great...it varies from day to day. Quinn is wonderful, she is in the 96th percentile for height and the 95th for weight. The pediatrician encouraged us to start solids a little early and we have. I have been making food myself (I know, it is amazing) and gave her sweet potatoes and tonight (at Zaza's birthday party) she wolfed down some homemade brown rice cereal. We have only tried food four times but she seems to be getting the hang of it. We also recently went on a family trip to the coast and hung out with Nona and Grampy much to their and Quinn's delight. It was during that trip that Quinn first rolled from her front to her back and within the week she went from back to front. As of today she is rolling over whenever she feels like it...although she does get stuck occasionally. More later!

Sleeping and Parenting Books

2009-05-05T09:35:00.000-07:00

Not to jinx it but I think that the transition to the crib has gone well for the whole family. Quinn usually gets up two times (or three if we are sleeping in) for food/diaper change but goes right back down. Getting her to sleep can be a little challenging but we have a routine and some techniques that we feel good about (no, none of these include dosing her with cold medicine, yet!). She went down super easy last night (we idealize our friend's son Jude who has been fabulous at going to bed the times we have babysat so Quinn has a lot to live up to) and slept well. We do use the swing during the day b/c the daycare does and she likes it. We have upgraded to a big swing from the small travel swing we started out with and the thing does so much stuff and looks so comfy, I want one. Of course she will sleep for hours at daycare and usually for about 45 minutes-1 hour for us but she seem fine with it.

People who know me well know I tend to be a little on the anxious side (I can hear Taylor giggling hysterically when she reads this and repeating "a little?") and I have found a new thing that causes anxiety for me: parenting books. They all say something different and all imply that you should have started x, y, and z at birth. I try to just take tips from whatever I read and stay away from one philosophy...for example the Baby Whisperer has some great tips that we use a lot for sleep but I feel vaguely patronized while reading it and it is a parent centered schedule, our daycare has a very baby centered schedule, and we fall somewhere in between. I think as long as she and we are mostly happy with our routine and lives we are doing well! Any thoughts from any of you on different philosophies and books? A whole different topic is advice from family and friends...sometimes a little overwhelming. :)

And the not so glamourous side of Quinn

2009-05-04T20:35:00.000-07:00

Enjoy!

Quinn, the model...

2009-05-03T19:23:00.000-07:00

Here she is at three weeks old; naked and in front of the camera! See if you can pick her out of the crowd.

Bodily functions and fluids

2009-04-26T12:05:00.001-07:00

So yeah. We have turned into those parents that call the pediatrician a lot. To be fair to us I think they should expect this of new parents and really we have only called three times since our last appointment. The first was when we were diagnosing my lipase enzyme milk issue; just to be sure there wasn't anything we could do and to ask some nutritional questions for Quinn, the second was when she hadn't pooped in five days; apparently aside from dehydration growth spurts can be an explanation as they are using all of their nutrients for that...also the child had two major blowout poops that night after we had called, and then last weekend when we experiencing "baby's first vomit"--when she threw up all over me and out her mouth AND nose. Props to Taylor here who came running and helped clean up despite a strong aversion vomit. This recalls the time we were at a 4th of July party at a downtown Portland hotel where two suites had been taken over. This poor girl started to retch and Taylor was out the door, down the hall, and in the next suite before it even hit the floor. So the vomiting was scary and probably a result of all her sinus drainage but we called to double check and see what we should watch for. Quinn is, of course, fine just very snarfely (yes, I made that up) due to her daycare cold. Taylor took some fun pictures that we will try and get posted and a great video that we hope to figure out as well. Oh and the other news is that she seems to be teething, good times!

April update

2009-04-18T20:21:00.000-07:00

I know, I know…no guilt or I won’t post at all! Here is an update on us (remember that even when we don’t write the pictures on the left get updated).

*Breastfeeding is still going really well although we discovered (luckily before daycare started) that I have this lipase enzyme in my milk (doesn’t hurt the milk or the baby) that makes the milk taste soapy after awhile and therefore it does not last as long as milk without this enzyme. Basically I have to scald my milk which gets rid of some of the immunological properties but allows for longer storage. She gets a bottle of scalded and fresh milk for the morning; I feed her at lunch, and then the fresh milk I pumped in the morning for the afternoon. She transitioned to the bottle really well for the daycare folks (Rosa is fabulous!) but still doesn’t like taking a bottle from her Zaza or obviously me.

*Daycare has been working out really well. She goes M/W/F and the people there are really nice. The babies seem happy and the other parents I have talked to, some with older kids as well are very pleased with the program. I wish we didn’t have to pay so much money but it is worth it to have her in such a good place.

*Quinn is a smiley wonderful baby. For the most part she is mellow except when her basic needs (sleep, food, pooping) aren’t met.

*We started transitioning her to her crib last week which has been a struggle but not as bad as we thought it would be…last night was the worst so writing that was hard! She had been in the bed with us and then in the bassinet but she outgrew it. Plus, we discovered that she and I sleep much better apart as much as I want to snuggle. Taylor can sleep through anything so she doesn’t count.

I am sure there is so much more but I want to make sure this gets posted.

Love to all!

Ramblings

2009-03-02T19:33:00.001-08:00

I can't believe that Quinn is almost 2 months old. We are working on getting the birth story written and will post a little of it online but we feel really good about the birth and about the community we created around the pregnancy. We had amazing people to help us and they still are helping! Our last appointment at the birth center was last Monday and next we see the pediatrician.

Quinn slept for almost 6 hours in one stretch last night...this is unheard of so of course I was up and worried that she was sleeping too much. I am an anxious mom. She was, of course, just fine and today is not taking as many naps but seems to be pretty happy. She is smiling a lot and made some almost giggly noises at her ZaZa today which was so sweet to see. We are really in love with her and just stare at her most of the day! This does not mean that we don't feel completely out of our element as new parents most of the time. :)

We are still trying to get into some semblance of a routine but it is hard. We started charting her eating, sleeping, and diapers yesterday to see if there is a pattern. I will start back at work on 3/23 and Taylor has been working from home a little and goes back into the office for a few days starting next week. Quinn starts daycare on 3/30...I am not excited to leave her somewhere but know that it is good in the long run and what we have to do right now. We have managed to arrange our schedules so that she only will be going M/W/F. I will be home Tuesday and Taylor on Thursday.

I am on my own on Monday nights as Taylor has class and Quinn is waking up so I am off to get her.

Megan

Hello from the land of baby!

2009-02-23T18:22:00.000-08:00

Hi all,

Sorry for the blog silence, it is hard to find the time or energy to blog since Quinn was born but we really appreciate all of you that have been e-mailing, calling, and dropping by to visit! The last six weeks have been a crazy roller coaster ride and we are still trying to figure out what we are doing. Quinn is amazing and is growing very fast. She was 7lbs 15oz at birth, went down to 7lbs 7oz and then 7lbs 5oz but by 1 week she was back up to 7lbs 14oz (they wanted her to be at birth weight by 2 weeks), at her 2 week checkup she was 8lbs 8oz, at her 4 week check up she was 10lbs 5oz, and today at her 6 week check up (a few days late)she is 12 lbs and 22 inches long (up 1.5 from birth). She doesn't really have a schedule but has in the last week started having one stretch of sleep at night that lasts around 3 hours which is amazing for her exhausted parents. She also has started smiling in the last couple weeks (mostly at everyone but her parents). I hope that we can post more regularly because for all intents and purposes this is her baby book!

She is starting to fuss and as Taylor is in class I am a single parent tonight so off to snuggle and feed her.

Megan

Please take note of the slideshow on the left side of the blog

2009-02-16T20:40:00.000-08:00

I am updating it periodically, so keep track of it at your convenience.
We promise to try to post a real blog sometime soon.

Taylor

Welcome to the world baby Quinn

2009-01-10T10:56:00.000-08:00

Quinn (full name available upon request) was born Thursday (1/8/09) at 10:23 a.m. after Megan experienced 30-hours of back labor. Quinn was born at our chosen out-of-hospital birthing center with midwives, doulas, me (and an acupuncturist) in attendance. The birth was both longer and more painful than what had been hoped for, but as expected all worth it in the end. I have never been more impressed or amazed by Megan; she was magnificent. Quinn weighed 7 pounds 15 ounces at birth and was 20.5 inches long. The hat is covering all of Quinn's hair, but rest assured - there is A LOT of it(!) all black and while it seemed wavy at birth, it has straightened out at this point. Quinn seems to have Megan's mouth and ears but the eyes and nose are definitely from the donor's gene pool. We are extremely excited and exhausted. We welcome emails and phone calls (but don't be surprised if we don't get back to you right away). Short visits are also welcome, but please do check in with us first before coming by. We appreciate all your support and love and can't wait to introduce you to our new baby!

Due Date...yeah right!

2009-01-04T18:52:00.000-08:00

It's hard to say for sure how big your baby will be, but the average newborn weighs about 7 1/2 pounds (a small pumpkin) and is about 20 inches long. The biggest part of your baby's body is her head, but her still-pliable skull will give it the flexibility necessary to squeeze through the birth canal. Many parents are surprised by how long and sharp their newborn's nails are from the get-go. Clipping them right away (ask a nurse for help) can prevent your baby from scratching her face.

Hi all...just an update (on the due date) that the baby is still inside. I have been feeling pretty awful this week...fluish, headachy, tired etc. which has not been fun for anyone. I started some accupuncture induction treatment on Friday and have been three times so I hope that will do something. We have a midwife, an accupuncture, and a chiropractic appointment tomorrow so maybe I will start feeling better. Just wanted to let everyone know we are still waiting and we apologize for the lack of phone calls and e-mails, we are in hibernation mode but we are getting all of your messages.

Come out baby!

2008-12-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

We had a midwife appointment today (I was so happy to get out of the house!!) that went really well. I am 2-3 centimeters dilated and still 50%+ effaced with a very soft cervix. This is very good, in case clarification is needed, although it doesn't mean very much...I could have the baby tonight or next week! Please, please let it be before next week. I am pretty big and pretty uncomfortable although I am not as anxious as Taylor is...she is VERY ready for the baby to come, especially as she is on family leave starting this week. The baby has dropped down really well although not in the optimal position; I am to spend some time on all fours (no comments needed) to try and get it to flip around. Unfortunately, my acupuncturist is out of town until Monday...damn her for having a life as that could speed it along. I will be stalking her if this baby is still inside on Monday. Our main midwife is also out of town but we have two others and a back up midwife (to complete the team of 3 midwives) that we feel really comfortable with. We are finishing up some home improvement/nursery tasks and catching up on dinners with friends until the baby comes to keep ourselves busy this week!

Update

2008-12-28T21:03:00.000-08:00

Hi All,

Just to let everyone know who cares... Megan is still pregnant - 39 weeks today! All of the snow has melted and I was able to get the car out of the driveway today!! We have been giving the baby pep-talks telling it that it is now safe for it to be born; we know it has been listening and hope it understands what that means. Megan has had a rough day today dealing with some severe headaches and other migraine symptoms - she had been looking forward to getting out of the house today, but just couldn't make it. Tomorrow we have an appointment with the midwives which will definitely get her out of the house.

Your baby's waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it's likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

Snow

2008-12-22T10:59:00.000-08:00

Ok, so here is a picture I took of our car yesterday right around the time Megan thought she was going into labor (she didn't).

We are proud to report that we have had the 3rd snowiest December (as recorded at the Portland Airport) in weather-recorded history - not to worry... we're super close to setting the record for the 2nd snowiest December and are expected to reach that later today.

And here is a picture I took this morning right around the time Megan thought she was going into labor (she didn't).

One can only imagine how much snow the car will be under when she actually does go into labor. Join us in hoping there won't be any snow by that point.

We think the baby has dropped a little

2008-12-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

Given Megan's ability to breathe more easily and the extra space between her belly and breasts the baby seems to have dropped - another step on the road to being born.

37 weeks...here we go

2008-12-15T18:24:00.000-08:00

Hi all,

I am officially 37 weeks as of yesterday! That means that anytime between now and 42 weeks we are ready for baby (theoretically). Although Taylor keeps chanting December 30th to the baby. We are having some crazy weather...crazy for Oregon as we have snow and ice and I couldn't make it to work today. We went to the holiday party for my company on Saturday at the Governor Hotel and got a room for the night. Since we didn't have a chance to go anywhere before the baby comes we thought it would be a fun treat. It was really nice (Taylor had 7 drinks)...both the room and the party. Fabulous food, a magician, great people, and great people telling me how wonderful I look. This was probably a lie but I think wearing black helped me look less gigantic. Also, I had nudie pregnant pictures taken earlier in the day so I was feeling kinda pretty. Yesterday morning we were lucky in that we got one of the last buses out of downtown Portland before our route was turned back. We had to hike home but had fun doing it. We also had the car seat installed by a semi nice police officer at a car seat clinic (highly recommend this) so we felt very productive.

My prenatal visit last Thursday went well; the baby is head down and I am 50% effaced which means that the menstrual like cramps that I have from 2 a.m. on are actually doing some good. The big fear now is that I will go into labor and we will not be able to get anywhere due to weather. We expect more snow later this week. Think happy thoughts that the baby can wait.

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard). Many babies have a full head of hair at birth, with locks from 1/2 inch to 1 1/2 inches long. But don't be surprised if your baby's hair isn't the same color as yours. Dark-haired couples are sometimes thrown for a loop when their children come out as blonds or redheads, and fair-haired couples have been surprised by Elvis look-alikes. And then, of course, some babies sport only peach fuzz.

36 weeks and counting

2008-12-08T19:11:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay in posting, life got crazy again and I am assured it will continue to do so. We finished our childbirth classes last week (we took a 5 week Hypnobirthing class, a 4 week general overview class taught by our doula, and two seminars; one on postpartum care and one on natural pain coping techniques). We also finished the Intro the Queer Studies class that we have been teaching although we still have a lot of grading to do. It was a really meaningful experience but I am glad that we have more free time now as I am huge.

We had THREE baby showers last week. The first one was at lunch on Wednesday and was arranged by the wonderful Pam (Taylor's coworker/friend/mentor/boss/and wife of the soup god Jeff) at Taylor's work. Of course I got a semi migraine (it didn't progress thank goodness) 20 minutes before but managed with Taylor's help, some hydration and Tylenol (and soup that Jeff made) to pull it together for the shower. We played actual fun games and her co-workers (a lot of guys that work with computers) were really good sports. We also got some really great gifts and I FINALLY got to see Taylor's cubicle after 2.5 years of her working there. I then got another headache and after seeing a second cubicle at another building and I had to nap in the car and be taken home early....just in time for shower #2. My co-workers (specifically Courtney, Judy, and Heather) had an evening shower that was really lovely. No games (per my request), a ton of gifts, and just a mellow time with snacks and talking.

We had our big friends/family shower on Saturday (this was arranged by a "shower committee" of Ingrid, Hillary, Jessica, and Mandy) at the local community center. It was exactly what we wanted, a really casual gathering of friends and family creating a really supportive atmosphere to welcome our baby. The food was fabulous there were activities for the kids, for the adults, music, great decorations. We did have to open presents in front of people but we did it together and it wasn't quite so intimidating. Our inseminating naturopath Dr. Annie Hanaway dropped by and got a round of applause (definitely deserved). Although it was odd to see people from very different aspects of our lives interacting it was amazing to feel the excitement and love that our family is lucky to have. As an added bonus Taylor's mama was able to be there which made it even more special. My mom sent a delegate (our family friend Christie) so I would have a mom too! Thanks to all of you who were there and those of you who were sending your love and good wishes but couldn't attend. We have pretty much everything we need although there are still a few things on the list.

This Sunday I will be 37 weeks which is technically full term so wish us luck! Also, someone text messaged me as I hadn't posted on the blog and they wanted to know if we had had the baby...nope but there was no name/number so I have no idea who you are!!! Call/e-mail/or text with name so we can chat.

I am feeling gigantic, slow, and tired. The ligaments in your pelvic area open up during pregnancy so your legs feel disconnected from your body which is odd, you don't really sleep much, and I continue to have practice "surges" and low cramping off and on. Our prenatal visit was cancelled last week due to our main midwife being sick so I am extra excited for this weeks visit. Still feeling pretty good though despite all the discomfort and am hopeful the baby can hold out for at least another two weeks!

Megan

Week 34

2008-11-24T20:40:00.000-08:00

Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which she'll need to regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

10 things I wish I had known in advance about my pregnancy

2008-11-19T20:13:00.000-08:00

(Disclaimer...most of these are bodily fluid/function related so if you can't deal I would recommend you stop reading)

1. My boobs would start producing 'stuff' in the first trimester which would necessitate cleaning and moisturizing the nipples on a regular basis. Weird.

2. Between bleeding and increased vaginal discharge I have worn a pad or pantyliner for the majority of this pregnancy. I thought that with the no period thing I would be free!!! But no.

3. Skin tags: icky little flaps of skin that increase on the neck and back region. Very normal but again, icky.

4. Constipation, thank goodness my bout was brief but I seriously thought I was dying.

5. That I would have that early bleeding but that all would be well.

6. That despite my general tendency to cry over sappy things, my strong desire for a child, and my extreme excitement to experience pregnancy that I would not feel overwhelmingly maternal or connected to the baby growing inside me. I love the idea of our child, really like being pregnant, and don't want anything to happen that would be negative but still don't feel extraordinarily loving towards my belly or the baby when it moves.

7. I expected mood swings and potentially crying but didn't expect that I would have a much shorter fuse and anger so quickly.

8. That my temperature would be higher (which is normal) or rather for me that my temperature would be like a normal persons as I run cold usually and I would have to learn how to regulate it.

9. That (knock on wood) it would be relatively easy pregnancy (thus far!). Taylor thought I would be vomiting all over the place (I'm usually a puker), which I didn't and our friend Ian kept saying that he thought I would be likely have problems, which I haven't...maybe he just meant I'm a whiner....which I am.

10. That it would alternatively move so fast and so slow at the same time...and that you can be terrified and ecstatic all at once.

Happy Heart

2008-11-16T21:15:00.000-08:00

Here is the newest (and last) picture of the baby inside. Taylor thinks the lips are gigantic! We had an ultrasound to make sure the echogenic foci thing had gone away and it had. :) So the heart and the rest of the baby looks great. They estimated the weight to be 4 lbs 3oz or so which is right on schedule (apparently it is a pineapple this week). Fetal movement is good...the baby moves a lot and loves to stick an appendage (I am guessing foot) in my right lung/rib area so that I have to shove it back down in order to breathe. I had an on again off again backache last week but the chiropractor helped (she is fabulous; Dr. Michelle Gerbi--she practices at Zenana Spa and I highly recommend her. She specializes in pregnant mama's). Taking walks and the massage I got at our prenatal visit on Friday also helped.

The prenatal went well although I was acting like a grumpy 4 year old...if I do not eat on time lately I completely emotionally shut down...not a pretty sight. I am starting to think about when to end my time at work and am filling out the required paperwork. I have to discuss it with my boss but should have that planned out soon. The next prenatal visit they come to the house (we have to make sure that we have our "bags" packed and ready for inspection--a bag for us/me and the baby for when we got to the birth center). We are excited because Taylor's mother will be able to be here for that visit.

We are getting to the end of the Intro to Queer Studies class we are teaching which is good as I am exhausted by the end of the night (3 hours one night a week) but sad because I think we will miss the students who are great and can be inspiring with their energy. I am really glad we did this even though it was not part of the pregnancy plan.

We have 5-7+ weeks to go and we are trying not to panic as we still have the house to finish unpacking/setting up. We made some progress this weekend and I hope that continues. All the boxes are gone now it just needs to be arranged. Sigh. Wish us luck! Also, thanks to all of you who went to the rallies all over the country to support marriage equality and protest the passing of proposition 8 in CA. We weren't able to make it to the one here but some of you called or sent pictures of your city/states rally and we were really excited to see the energy around this.

Much love,

Megan

Hope

2008-11-04T22:07:00.000-08:00

Megan and I will celebrate our 8 year anniversary next week. For those of you who have politics on your mind - you might recognize that as being the exact length of time Bush has been 'president'. I pointed out that if we were able to survive as a couple during these dark times, than we can survive as a couple anytime.
We are certainly entering into a new era - both as a nation and in our personal lives. I am only too happy to realize that our baby will be born in such a momentous, historical, and hopeful time.

Week 30

2008-10-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

Your baby's about 15.7 inches long now, and she weighs almost 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage). A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds her, but that volume will decrease as she gets bigger and takes up more room in your uterus. Her eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very keen; even after she's born, she'll keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. When she does open them, she'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision — which means she can only make out objects a few inches from her face. (Normal adult vision is 20/20.)

More discrimination fun

2008-10-26T15:55:00.000-07:00

We had a really hard day on Friday. The baby is fine...not to worry, it is moving all over the place and bouncing itself off my internal organs...we have had several more people insist that it is a girl from how I am carrying.

The depressing situation was this: currently, I am doubly insured through my work and through Taylor's work (although we are taxed on this through Taylor's work as there is no federal tax code for our relationship). We are lucky that the State of Oregon allows me to be insured as a domestic partner as many employers do not have this as an option. We thought we were being proactive and have been putting the maximum we could for the pregnancy and childbirth into a flexible spending account (FSA) (for those not in the know this takes money out of Taylor's paycheck pre-tax and we can submit claims on it to use towards health related expenses). The maximum amount you can have in a FSA is $5,000. We have submitted two rounds of claims for reimbursement. We got a denial letter on Friday that stated that our most recent claim is denied because this money cannot be used for me at all...apparently we didn't read the fine print (yes, we feel stupid) and as the flexible spending program follows federal regulations. Because we are not recognized as family by the federal government we basically lose most of that money, unless Taylor somehow manages to spend $5,000 on out-of-pocket medical expenses. To make matters even worse, I pointed out that they had covered me in a previous claim, hence my confusion and they said this was a mistake on their part and they would be needing that money back.

I spoke to a whole bunch of people at flexible spending and with the state and we will be writing a letter asking the state to make these circumstances more clear for those in our type of situation. I had a mini crying breakdown at work and I think my boss and my co-workers were happy to see me go home a little early. The whole thing is just reinforcing the importance that our families are recognized legally. Unfortunately, neither of the current presidential candidates support same sex marriage but we can hope for the future! FYI this is not to say that we are not voting for Obama because of course we are but we are certainly not happy with his stance on this issue.

29 weeks

2008-10-20T21:08:00.000-07:00

Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.

Comparison picture - 7 months

2008-10-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture I took of Megan tonight. It's kind of blurry, but shows the belly well. It has gotten to the point where we can see the baby move from the outside. It is both a very cool and very creepy thing to see. We have made some significant progress in our unpacking mission, but it has been interrupted at times in order to put together some important Ikea purchases. Our hypnobirthing class is very interesting and we have been trying to practice the breathing exercises. Megan tends to fall asleep every time we practice so with any luck she'll continue the habit during labor if necessary. I might take another picture next month, but I can't make any promises.
-Taylor

Belated Thank you and Congratulations!

2008-10-13T19:46:00.000-07:00

I forgot to thank Uncle Leonard, Ingrid, Dennis, Hillary, Ian, and Jude for helping us move!! And congratulations to Jill and Sarah on their pregnancies. :)

We're Back!

2008-10-13T19:27:00.001-07:00

By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.

Things we have been up to:

1. Not unpacking. The house is a disaster zone but we love having a house! Maybe someday we can get rid of all the boxes.

2. We hired a doula (labor support person) after doing a couple interviews. We really felt that this was important even though we have a great midwifery team. Specifically, we wanted someone that could help Taylor support me and we feel like we picked a great person. Her name is Stacey and we will also be taking a childbirth prep class with her. http://www.mothertreebirth.com/doulas-sb.html

3. I had a fabulous gestational diabetes test, instead of having to drink some nasty drink I had a finger poke and was instructed to go eat waffles and syrup and protein and walk for a half hour and then get poked again...to see how I metabolize real food. Apparently, I do just fine as the test was a success...and the cornmeal Belgian waffle was so so good.

4. I am officially in my third trimester, I will feel better after this week is over since I had that whole "higher risk of miscarriage" in the second trimester due to the bleeding in early pregnancy. The baby is moving all about and Taylor plans to take a picture of the belly this weekend so you can all see the growth, and there is a lot. Basically, I don't fit into anything anymore. The pregnancy stores tell you to buy your pre-pregnancy size which is a bunch of crap considering my breasts are three times their pre-pregnancy size!!! Clothes are not easy to find and I have resorted to shoe looking slippers for comfort and to support my poofy feet.

5. We started a hypnobirthing class last week and it is really interesting. Taylor managed to keep the horror on her face to a minimum when watching the birthing videos and I think it will be a good class. It is odd to be the only same sex couple and even though the instructor is sensitive it feels a little exclusionary at times. I just did a guest lecture for culturally competent care for LGBT clients for the midwifery school so maybe I am just hypersensitive. :)

Back to prepping for the class we are teaching!

Megan

Gifts are optional!

2008-09-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

So I feel mildly guilty and greedy for posting this but people have been asking so there you go. On the left side of the blog is the list of gift ideas/registries. We did cave to peer pressure (mostly co-workers as both of our works are throwing baby showers for us) and registered at Target and Babies R Us. Again, we are much more interested in your good wishes, homemade gifts, used gender neutral clothing w/no cartoon characters! and anyone who wants to come over after the baby is born and clean the kitchen or feed us gets major points. :) But if you can't come over and are more into gift certificates we have links to the diaper service that we will use (as there is only one) and a fabulous personal chef service. I am especially excited about that because if you know us you know Taylor avoids the kitchen like the plague and I am not that fond of cooking either. I e-mailed the chef to make sure she is queer friendly and she seems great so feel free to get gift certificates from her!

In other happenings, I would like to thank Amelia, Mandy, Melissa, Sarah, and Travis for helping Taylor paint this weekend (and Jessica, Brinsley, and Brooklynn for keeping me entertained). I think there are some painting touch ups needed in the bathroom and kitchen and then we are done! We hope to move the heavy furniture this Sunday 9/28, so again if you are around and available let us know.

Have we mentioned that we are co-teaching an Intro to Queer Studies class? I think it is going well but it does make me appreciate the support our family feels from all of you! :)

Megan

Rutabaga

2008-09-21T21:51:00.000-07:00

Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.

Thus concludes the week of Taylor yelling "baby corn!" at my belly!

Moving Corn

2008-09-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

I definitely am feeling a lot of movement starting a couple weeks ago, Taylor has even felt it three times but has to wait for the baby to be really active and sit there with her hand on my belly for awhile. I believe she described it as "cool and creepy". I would say I think about the same, I am loving feeling the movement but it is a little creepy to have something you know is separate from you moving inside your body! I am really enjoying being pregnant though. I am taking a pregnancy yoga class and we are starting a hypnobirthing class in October, I think we will end up taking two childbirth classes but haven't decided on what the other one will be yet.

The 22 week ultrasound was fine although they did see an echogenic foci. I have copied the wikipedia definition of that here.Echogenic intracardiac focus (EIF) is a small bright spot seen in the baby’s heart on an ultrasound exam. This is thought to represent mineralization, or small deposits of calcium, in the muscle of the heart. EIFs are found in about 3-5% of normal pregnancies and cause no health problems. EIFs themselves have no impact on health or heart function. Often the EIF is gone by the third trimester. If there are no problems or chromosome abnormalities, EIFs are considered normal changes, or variants.

We have no other risk factors and may have another ultrasound later in the pregnancy but after talking to a number of people we feel really confident that everything is as it should be.

Our prenatal appointment last week was good with my uterus measuring as it should and my blood pressure was good (I had a little ankle swelling but not much yet). I also got a 20 minute leg massage....gotta love midwives! :)

Megan

House News!

2008-09-16T07:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Sorry for the lack of post...everything is fine with the baby we have just been busy. I think I am going to start making small posts so that at least something is updated and I don't avoid posting because I feel it has to be a long analysis of what we are up to!!

We bought a house! It sounds odd but it was rather unplanned and if you had asked us 2-3 months ago we would have told you we had no plans to buy. We are slowly moving in and Taylor will be painting this Saturday 9/20 if anyone is in the area and wants to help out. Feel free to give her a call. :) It is a tiny dollhouse with 2 bedrooms and 1 bath but a great open feeling and really nice backyard. It is also in the same neighborhood we are in now which we love and only needs some cosmetic stuff (mainly painting) and is move in ready.

Wish us luck and please let us know if you want to stop by to see it. :)

Megan

Halfway there!

2008-08-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)

He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).

I promised a picture so here you go!! You will just have to imagine the banana. This week the e-mail update tried to tell me that I have gained about 10 lbs....HA HA HA...bastards...I'm sure that they meant 10 lbs in just my boobs b/c that would be a little more accurate.

We are well on our way to owning our own home. We had an inspection of the house last Thursday and it went really well, we are just waiting for the mortgage appraisal..and then I assume there is more paper signing. Good times! We also had a prenatal appointment on Thursday which was good; the heartbeat was strong and we are having an ultrasound next week to check amniotic fluid, position, etc. and yes, we are holding firm to our decision to NOT find out the sex.

I think I might have felt the baby move this weekend but am not 100% yet...it is low in the uterus and apparently the sharp pains that shoot through my vagina are the result of it hitting my nerve endings...but in addition to that funness I really think I might have felt it move. It is supposed to feel like bubbles, popcorn, butterfly wings or gas (or all of the above) or so people tell me. So I felt it move or I had more gas brewing...side benefit of pregnancy is that it is hard to know the difference! Not to downplay our excitement about feeling the little one b/c you know we are ecstatic. More updates as they come...

Spontaneous or Crazy?

2008-08-11T19:41:00.000-07:00

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, taking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom --about the size of a heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

Never let it be said that we aren't spontaneous. In direct violation of our midwife's suggestion to reduce stress (sorry Laura!) we have decided in the span of two weeks to buy a house. Two weeks ago we had dinner with Taylor's friend and collegue, Pam and her fabulous husband Jeff who were very convincing about the idea of purchasign a home in the current market. One week later we met with their mortgage person, Dianne just to discuss what that might look like for us and since there was a program we qualified for that closes 10/1 we thought that we would look at a couple places. We went to one open house that weekend and confirmed that we needed guidance. Our friend Ingrid hooked us up with our great realtor (who we totally recommend) Bonnie and we all (Ingrid included!) went to see a few places on Friday. We found a house that we absolutely love and put an offer in on Saturday, it was accepted on Sunday, and we have an inspection scheduled on Thursday. We will see what happens but we are optimistic. Okay, really we are just terrified and stressed about money but we are trying to think long term and enjoy the idea of our own home; for us and the baby.

I still haven't felt the baby move but have been having a lot of ligament pain as my uterus gets bigger. I have more of a tummy now but it is still not completely obvious I am pregnant. However, that doesn't stop everyone from work guessing...the guess seems to be a girl since I am not carrying in front but around...this is a nice way to say that my ass is expanding. We still like Embry for a name but are open to suggestions. :)

The bell pepper, the law, and real estate...

2008-08-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long about the link of a bell pepper and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.

It is really interesting to me how upset that people get when they find out that we are not going to find out the sex of the baby. I have had so many people tell me that they don't know what to get for the baby if they don't know the sex; like pink and blue are the only colors in the rainbow and it is imperative to buy gendered clothes and toys!!

New and exciting developments the last couple weeks include the fact that we "got" to pay $1200 to our lawyers so that Taylor can adopt her own child. I suppose I should be grateful that we live in a state that we can even do this but it still feels really insulting and frustrating. The process entails me signing a form that basically says that I give Taylor "permission" to make decisions about the baby if I am not able to make them. Also if something happened to me before the adoption was finalized it states it is my wish that it be finalized. We are resigned to it but it still pisses me off...we planned, conceived, and are going through this pregnancy and birth together but don't have the same rights as a married heterosexual couple if they conceived using donor sperm...rant, rant, rant! :)

On a happier note we may be buying a house! Big excitement. We keep hearing it is the best time to buy and apparently if we find something prior to 10/1 we could qualify for a great program that would help us...this is from the mortgage person we met with, we meet with the realtor our friend Ingrid picked for us on Friday. I am just excited to tour homes; mostly 'cause I am nosy and like to look around houses. I will keep you all updated on the search.

What I am most excited about is that I am supposed to be feeling the baby move in the next couple weeks! I can't wait; we should also be having another ultrasound around 20-22 weeks to measure the amniotic fluid, check position, growth, placenta etc. I hope to get some good pictures to post.

Much love,

Megan

Tale of a Turnip and Two Daycares

2008-07-28T19:02:00.000-07:00

Your baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — her lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Your baby weighs 5 ounces now (about as much as a turnip), and she's around 5 inches long from head to bottom. She can move her joints, and her sweat glands are starting to develop. YAY! The baby is working up a sweat. We are trying not to or at least not sweat and worry over inconsequential stuff. I had a major (hormonally helped) melt down this weekend stressing about all the things going on in our lives but feel much better now...crying can be cathartic.

Some of you have been writing to ask about the daycare's that we were looking at, wanting more details so here you go: There don't seem to be a lot of places that offer infant care but we were looking specifically at something that would be easy for me to get the baby to on public transportation. Fruit and Flower is about five blocks from work (although not on the public transportation route so it would take a little bit of walking). It is very structured, very cute, with a impressive outdoor area for an urban school. The draw backs are that the waiting list is really long and it does not have a flexible schedule; you are either full time or 1/2 days. We went on a tour with with 4 other couples/individuals (very upper class, very professional yuppie...we felt a little out of place although it was amusing to watch one of the men try to figure out what Taylor was in terms of gender!) . We put ourselves on the wait list. The second daycare, St. James we thought would just be a back up. One of the embryologists and one of the physicians have their children there and really like it. We really ended up liking it a lot. We had a private tour and although it wasn't as pretty, it seemed to be a really loving environment with a great flexible schedule...and yes, we were very clear that no doctrine is taught it is just housed in the church. So we have a deposit down for a spot in April. We will just see what happens. St. James is on the streetcar line and it takes about 10 minutes for me to get there from work.

The thought of daycare just stresses me out too...what doesn't lately! But at least there are some options.

Also...we are still trying to think of name options that are gender neutral. We originally thought Greer (but given Taylor's difficulty saying it and that it rhymes with queer we got rid of it). We have Drew (after our fabulous friend Andy), Rowen, Avery, and Emerson on the list. In the last week we were talking about Grayson, Graden, Greeley, Emry, Embry...any thoughts?

Week of the Avocado

2008-07-25T11:21:00.000-07:00

Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length . Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too.

We have been super busy touring day care centers...we are on the wait list for one and I think have a spot secured at the other...for April! It is insane. We also went to the lawyer again to fork over $1200 for the adoption of our own baby...yeah.

We are also major stressballs and have too many things going on. I am hoping to wrestle the computer away from Taylor this weekend and give a more comprehensive update...I know you are all dying to know about how I can't sneeze without wetting myself. :)

Love to all,

Megan

Lemons and Life

2008-07-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Quick update on where we are with life:

1. The nuchal translucency went well and the measurement of the nuchal fold is under 2 which we were assured was good. We are waiting for blood results this week.

2. We drove to Boise to see Mama, Papa, Leah, and David over 4th of July weekend and had a fabulous time...okay the visiting part was fabulous and not so much the road trip but that wasn't that bad either although I did frequent a lot of rest stops!

3. I am officially in the second trimester!!!!!!! I can't tell you how relieved that makes us. The baby is the size of a lemon and is producing bile and urine this week...yeah I was disgusted but excited too. Also it is working on making facial expressions (Papa pointed out that this is probably because it is peeing) and should be moving all around. I won't feel that for a little while yet but I am excited for it.

4. We have a prenatal appointment on Thursday and a tour of a daycare center on Friday (again, you have to get on the list now for care in April...how ridiculous is that?).

5. I am continuing to get my energy back and food is not so much an issue anymore as evidenced by the box of macaroni and cheese I ate for dinner. Hey, it was organic and I ate some veggies too!

Off to get ready for an early bedtime.

Much love,

Megan

ultrasound picture

2008-06-22T21:20:00.001-07:00

Here is a scan of one of the best pictures we got from the ultrasound we did around the beginning week 10. The fetus is at the top of the area that looks like a distorted black oval (the uterus). It is on its back with the head on the right. You can see tiny arms and legs in this picture. It was moving around quite a bit which was great fun to see.

Taylor

Prenatal #2

2008-06-21T16:52:00.000-07:00

We had our second prenatal appointment on Thursday and it went really well. We got to hear the heartbeat again, it was 160 again which is great. I also got a lovely massage and we met Stephanie (the 3rd member of our birth team) who I knew from Birthingway. I am really excited about the team and feel really confident and comfortable about our care. We have our genetic screening blood work and ultrasound (nuchal translucency) scheduled for next Friday.

My boobs continue to expand at an alarming rate (did I mention the size H bra?) but I am trying be calm about it...sometimes hard when you see people after a couple weeks and they stare in fascinated horror at your chest (yes, M and M I am talking about you). I still am feeling tired but a little better and I have a little poochy tummy now...yes, I know we need to post a picture.

My mother is stopping by on her way to move to Kansas which is sad because I would have liked having her here for the pregnancy (not the birth!). So I am off to enjoy time with her while she is here!

Week 11: The energy slowly returns

2008-06-16T19:34:00.000-07:00

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and is about the size of fig and is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccuping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

Hi again!

Pregnancy so far for me has been like having a low grade flu or seasickness; I am tired all of the time and exist in one of three states: super hungry, just ate, or nauseated. I haven't had any actual vomiting which I have been shocked by as I am the queen of puking when sick but haven't had to deal with that at all. Probably a little too much information but in the spirit of keeping those of you who might be considering pregnancy in the know (or those w/pregnant friends/family/partners etc.) I will tell you that constipation and gas are a big reality for the pregnant people. Taylor can vouch for this as my digestive issues and an odd and scary pain in my side ruined most of her birthday and turned me into a pain filled cranky bitch. Oh well!! better than the year I had just had my appendix out or the year we spent her birthday in a U-Haul with two terrified cats.

I sincerely apologize for all of you who have wanted to get together or have e-mailed/called (especially Rachel, Stephanie, and Hillary). I seriously spend most of my off time sitting, sleeping or sitting and sleeping at the same time. However, I have noticed in the last week that my energy level seems to be increasing and my stomach seems to have stabilized a little. I am choosing to hope that this means as the promised land of the second trimester approaches I will start feeling great.

We had a fabulous experience a week or so ago when my boss did an ultrasound for us at work. Taylor's family was in town so Mama, Papa (in the wheelchair), Irene, Leah and David...Taylor and I all piled into the exam room for the ultrasound (yes, it was a vaginal ultrasound but there was a sheet and modesty was maintained!). It was amazing as we were able to hear the heartbeat for the first time (160) and we got to see it move its little stumpy arms and legs. It actually is starting to look like a baby...okay it had a head at least which I consider progress. David promises us that he is going to put a video of the ultrasound on the blog so we will harass him until it happens.

Much love to you all...I hope the increase in energy means I can post more! :)

Megan

P.S. We went to Portland Pride and can't wait to take the baby next year to march in a parade!

Week 8

2008-05-27T20:34:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Megan asked that I write an entry to let everyone know that we are fine - for the most part. She is right on track with the increased nausea, fatigue, and sore/increasing breasts that was promised in the weekly update she gets from the http://www.babycenter.com/ website, so that's all kinds of fun. In addition to all of the exacerbated pregnancy symptoms, there are some new changes being made at her work and my entire family is set to start arriving for a week and a half long stay beginning this weekend. Needless to say, she is quite tired and feeling overwhelmed by everything - but, she's still pregnant and in the end, that's really the most important thing on which we're focusing.

She wants to let everyone know she will be replying to any emails you might have sent as soon as she gets enough energy and time to sit down and write. So, maybe in another month or so :)

I can't say that I have any of the same reasons for not responding to emails, but do have to cater to her every whim and whine which is keeping me quite busy. I am greatly looking forward to the end of the first trimester of her pregnancy as I am quite excited by the prospect of the second trimester being pretty much the complete opposite of the first. Aside from her appendectomy a few years ago, she's never really had any significant or long-lasting health concerns. Therefore, the last couple of weeks have taken me by surprise in regard to her not feeling 100% all of the time. Seriously, you'd think that she could have prepared me for that just a little bit more. I can only assume this is a fraction of what it'll be like when the baby is here, so I guess I'm getting in a little bit of practice.

Ultrasound #2

2008-05-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note to give you all an update. We had a second ultrasound done on Friday, the ultrasound technician wasn't really allowed to tell us what he saw except that the baby looked fine and that the heart rate was 128 (which is good, we wanted it to be over 100). Also the growth rate from Monday to Friday looked good. Our midwife got called into a birth Friday night and left us a voicemail at 10:30 p.m. as the results had come in (can I mention how much I love that she would do that!) and we got the message yesterday that the hematoma has shrunk which is great news. I also stopped bleeding on Wednesday/Thursday. We have our first prenatal appointment on Tuesday and I will have more information then on what this means etc. We also go the first picture of the peanut which I will try and scan in soon. This is a big relief although still a little stress as this does put me into a "higher risk" category for some things. Thanks again for all of your support, e-mails, kind thoughts, and love. We appreciate it.

Update

2008-05-14T14:43:00.000-07:00

It continues to be a stressful time for us but we are trying to keep calm. The emergency room had given me the name of an ob/gyn to make an appointment to follow up with. I called on Monday and made an appointment and called yesterday to ask questions about the appointment. I was told that they were planning on calling me to cancel anyway because I had made the mistake of saying that I was planning to see a midwife and they have a policy not to take new patients if they don't plan to stay with the practice for the whole pregnancy. I then was subjected to a few minutes of this nurse telling me how cool the practice is and how they are in the top 100 Portland doctors. I am not sure if this was to try and interest me in the staying...although I didn't feel welcomed...or to tell me how busy they were. I could have a scan at work but they can't follow my care so that was out. I pretty much broke down and called Taylor crying.

We had decided to go with Alma Midwifery that morning so Taylor called Laura, our midwife, to see if she would be able and willing to work with us. According to Taylor (and Laura) she was comfortable managing my care. She went ahead and scheduled me for another ultrasound on Friday and an appointment with her on Tuesday. I have to get my records from the emergency room and have them for the appointment on Friday for comparison. What we would like to see is the bleed shrinking and the baby growing. This does mean that I have a higher chance of bleeding and a second trimester miscarriage, something I don't really want to think about. I am taking some supplements to help with clotting and have worked a half day yesterday and today. I am not feeling great but the bleeding has slowed and is dark brown which is a good sign as it indicates old blood.

I will try and keep the site updated as we get new information. We are feeling a little reclusive so please don't be offended if we take a little while to get back to e-mails and calls...unless you want to bring us food and then we will probably answer the door!!! Taylor doesn't cook and I can't get off the couch so we are doing the take out, frozen food thing. Emotionally I think we both are dealing but having typical "why isn't the world fair" thoughts and are of course very worried about the baby. Think good thoughts.

Scary Mother's Day

2008-05-12T19:48:00.000-07:00

Not so good news for our "first" mother's day. I started having some spotting yesterday around noon and it increased and became red by the evening. I spoke to some phone nurses and my boss, the former suggesting I go see a doctor (on Sunday this translates to the emergency room) and the latter suggesting that I wait until today so I could have an ultrasound done at work. We decided to wait but I woke up at 2:30 a.m. with more cramping and I was passing some tissue. We went to the emergency room at that point convinced that the pregnancy was over. Taylor was very good about processing her emotions (crying, being supportive etc.) while I seemed (and still have) to have turned off my emotions altogether. We spent three hours in the emergency room and the ultrasound showed good things: there was still a baby, in the correct location, with appropriate growth, and most importantly a heartbeat. Apparently I had what is called a subchorionic hemorrhage which does not mean that this pregnancy can't continue; a lot of pregnancies do but did seem to suggest that it might mean a higher chance something might be of concern. We are just really tired and trying to be cautiously optimistic. :)

Me Hungry...

2008-05-09T17:43:00.000-07:00

Remember how I was analyzing IF I had pregnancy symptoms.? Yeah, it is pretty apparent now. I am more exhausted then I can remember being...and yes, i know it will most likely continue, I have what I think exceeds "breast tenderness" in the fact that at times I want to rip them from my chest given the burning pain, and I have instant ravenous hunger if not fed every few hours. I mean, I have to eat NOW or I feel like I will die, hunger. I have taken to carrying snacks with me or in low moments eating stale cookies out of friend's purses (thanks, Mandy).

I crawl to the couch or the bed as soon as I get home and forget exercising so far although I do hope to join a couple prenatal classes when I get the energy up...and through all of this I am just so ecstatic that we are going to have a baby. It still seems unreal and I think it will until I can see my belly grow.

We have our second of two interviews with a midwifery practice on Monday and I plan to post our decision. Otherwise, the embryo and I are good and slowly figuring out how to coexist...with Taylor figuring out how to be supportive or at least stay out of the way when I need to feed.

Much love and Happy Mother's Day!!

Numbers don't lie

2008-04-28T18:42:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posting, Taylor went out of town to visit her parents in Boise so I had a quiet weekend to myself. I still have to keep reminding myself that I am pregnant. It doesn't seem real at all. I had some cramping over the weekend which I got a little worried about but apparently it is quite normal...it is that whole thing of early pregnancy symptoms and pre-menstrual symptoms being pretty much the same thing. Or what I call the evilness of the human body! Seriously, if you don't want to be pregnant you think you are getting your period, if you do want to be pregnant or are and want to stay that way you end up thinking that you are getting your period or miscarrying.

So just because I can, I did another blood test and a progesterone level (bonus again of working at a fertility clinic with an in house lab and an accommodating staff!) and everything looks great. All my levels are just where they should be. This is a huge relief although again I still have trouble believing that I am pregnant. Maybe because I have been waiting and planning for this for a long time, we both have, but I think Taylor would be the first to agree that I have always been really passionate about wanting to be pregnant.

Since the numbers seem to indicate that I really am going to have a baby I called to set up some interviews for a health care provider. Taylor and I decided awhile ago that we want to birth with a midwife. As long as this is considered a low risk pregnancy I do not want to be in the hospital and Taylor has not been comfortable with a home birth so our compromise has been a freestanding birth center not associated with a hospital. I strongly believe in the midwifery model of care and think that it best fits who we are and how we want to perceive this pregnancy and birth. Plus, I am biased as I worked at Birthingway College of Midwifery for a brief time and know the fabulousness of the staff, faculty, and students there. We are considering Alma Midwifery Service and Andaluz Waterbirth Center and will be meeting with midwives from both next week and the following week. I am so excited!!!

Today's Blood Test

2008-04-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

This is just a quick note to say that my blood test score was 95.9 this morning! This seems to be a strong number and has helped relieve our minds about the pregnancy thus far. I'm off to bed early again tonight - I'm not that far along and already super tired, I guess I'm just starting to prepare for the level of energy we can expect to have for the next few years.

Our Academy Awards Thank You Speech

2008-04-23T20:19:00.000-07:00

I feel like we haven't given enough credit to all of the people that have been providing care for us while we have been trying to get pregnant. We feel so lucky to have been able to do IUI procedures at home, it was incredibly personal and special to be in our own safe space while creating our family. Dr. Annie Hanaway is our naturopath and we think she is fabulous. Lisa Pate is the acupuncturist that I have been seeing. She also does work with clients at the fertility clinic that I work at, I would totally recommend her for anyone. Molly Padulo is our counselor that we plan to continue seeing, she is amazing in helping us work through issues as a couple and in terms of parenting preparation. Of course our friends and families are fabulous and their continued love and support means so much to us.

We have our second blood test tomorrow and I am anxious to make sure that the blood level is rising. If so our due date is around the end of December/beginning of January. We already have appointments set up with two midwifery practices that have freestanding birth centers in a couple weeks to select who our pregnancy/birth care provider will be!!

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!

2008-04-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

We couldn't wait, I took a digital test last night after holding my pee for about 4 hours until Taylor got home from class. It was positive!!! I took another one this morning and that one was positive too!! Then we did the blood pregnancy test at work and I have a good number (this was a quantitative test that measures the level of hcg in your blood). I will take it again on Thursday to make sure it is rising appropriately...should double or more.

I am pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We didn't get a chance to call all our friends and family today although I plan to e-mail/call more people tomorrow. I had to post in case anyone is checking tonight. It seems surreal and I don't think we quite believe it yet but we are ecstatic. Taylor wants everyone to know that this was the best picture she could get of the positive test. I don't know what else to write b/c I am kinda in shock...in a good way. :) Love to you all...

Maybe, Baby?

2008-04-21T21:00:00.000-07:00

I took a pee test on Sunday and it was, of course, negative because my period is not due until Saturday but I couldn't wait. I took one this morning at 5:45 a.m. and it was negative in that there wasn't even a faint line (for those in the pregnancy test know...even a faint line means positive) but if I squinted and kinda slanted it there might have been a line. So I woke Taylor up and yes, she was ever so thrilled to have to wake up and squint at a possible line on a stick covered in pee. She thought she might have seen it but we were not sure. This has led me to think that digital tests are the only way to go for both ovulation predicting and pregnancy test. This way you avoid the bullshit of trying to guess if there is a line and if it is dark enough. We will do another urine test in the morning and a blood test tomorrow. Think pregnant.

Waiting

2008-04-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

So I don't feel pregnant this time which makes sense as I wouldn't be yet...this is implantation week. I had acupuncture to relax and help facilitate implantation this morning which was fabulous especially as I ended up having a super stressful day. I kept repeating "We are open to having you in our lives, our hearts, and my body."

Again can I say that it is so hard to wait to do a pregnancy test especially because you don't know if fertilization has even happened. There should be a test for that. We want this so much! Although my acupuncturist says that the things we want most sometimes don't come easily which makes them all the more special. I repeated that to Taylor and got her standard response: "fuck that shit." Ahh, my partner is so profound. She went on to say that whether things are difficult or hard, they are always special because they're shared between us. Ahh, my partner is so corny.

Attempt, Version 2.2

2008-04-10T21:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, you are right, Taylor did come up with the title for this post...she self admits she is a geek. The insemination this morning went really well. We did confirm that she used the uterine sound yesterday and that she was able to get into the uterus both last night and this morning. She did not need to use the sound this morning as the cervix was already dilated. We think that our timing was really good...I did another ovulation test last night that was positive so I think the negative one was just because I hadn't waited long enough before peeing on a stick. As all of our getting pregnant books state we are in the excitement phase of the process now and we are really hopeful. We can test in a couple weeks! Think Fertilization.

Attempt #2

2008-04-09T20:58:00.000-07:00

My plan was to start blogging yesterday on Day 14 (which was yesterday) but given that I went to a work presentation and didn't get home until after nine, that didn't happen. It also just wasn't a good day in general and both Taylor and I had underestimated the stress we have been under the last couple weeks; the disappointment about the last attempt, Papa's surgery, stress about attempt #2, and general work/life stress...we, of course, took our stress out on each other. I took two ovulation tests yesterday which were negative (not surprising as I have not ovulated on Day 14 in the time I have been tracking my cycle) and had an acupuncture appointment which was so relaxing.

I credit the acupuncture because I had a negative test this morning (ignoring the fact that I am not really supposed to test the first morning urine) but a positive test with the midday test. I tested again this afternoon and it was negative but I think that was because I didn't wait enough time (usually a couple hours) without peeing so that the hormone could build up b/c it was negative at 5, I will probably test again tonight. Our doctor came over (part of the stress yesterday was deciding if we should use the tenaculum and uterine sound...if you remember neither felt great...for this attempt) and this time she was able to get into the uterus!!! Not sure if it was the new cannula that I brought home or if she did use the sound (we forgot to ask...although it was quite uncomfy it was not as bad a last time). We plan to do a second insemination tomorrow morning, I will be sure to ask if we did the sound yesterday. Then we both go to work and the wait begins!! Thanks for all of your support. :)

The new plan

2008-04-04T23:31:00.000-07:00

Papa's surgery went well and although he has been too doped up to talk to us, Mama reports that he is good. Thank you all for your great healing energy...keep it coming.

The new plan is that the sperm will arrive on Tuesday, which works well as Taylor is working from home that day. I should ovulate as early as Wednesday and as late as Saturday...we are hoping for early so that Taylor can buy plane tickets to go to Boise to visit and help out with Papa's recovery. If my body doesn't cooperate then she may have to wait until the following weekend.

I have been pretty stressed about this next attempt since I felt a little like a failure with the first insemination...this has nothing to do with the process or our doctor but with my relationship with my body. Aside from my history of disordered eating which I am sure plays into all of this in some way, I have always had this huge fear that I can not get pregnant. I think I don't trust myself or my body so when it was a little more challenging than expected I automatically go to this place where I start thinking the worst. It probably does not help that I work at a fertility clinic and so infertility is the norm for me...I forget that my only real fertility challenge is a lack of sperm and apparently a slightly difficult cervix.

For some reason today I am feeling much more positive about the upcoming attempt. I think we will be more relaxed because we know what is going to happen, we will probably have to use the tenaculum again although our doctor is thinking we might try a different one and she feels really confident so I think that is helping me too. I also might try to take a day off to rest following the insemination's. I have scheduled acupuncture for next Tuesday (Day 14) and for the following Tuesday after the insemination.

Taylor is excited too but as usual is cautiously optimistic and hoping for the best. We are just ready for it to be next week!

Staying in the moment

2008-04-02T19:34:00.000-07:00

I apologize for not posting recently, I have to admit to a little sadness over the failed insemination attempt but I think that we have rallied well. I had a "pity party" day and then got back in the mindset of getting ready for the second try which will most likely occur at the end of next week.

FYI I am a planner and a control freak so letting that go and trying to accept what is...that the average number of attempts seems to be around 3, that I can't wish myself pregnant, that everything will happen when it should happen and how it should happen is hard for me. Taylor is much more laid back (or seems to be, sometimes I can't tell if she is laid back or just expending too much energy dealing with my big feelings she forgets to pay attention to her own). I, of course, have already identified the best day care options for us, birthing classes, birth centers etc. and am ready (overly ready) to go. Through accupuncture, counseling, and reading I am trying to learn to stay in the moment, remember to breathe, and not get too stressed. Which is not easy when I have been waiting for this time in our lives for years. However, I really feel blessed to have the friends and family that we have and not just the people close to us but those of you who read this blog that haven't met us or are friends of our friends/family. I have meet two people in the last two weeks who have gotten the blog address through people who know us and who were so sweet and supportive (hi to Stacey and Pamela!). I often write on here not even thinking of who reads it, hence the barely articulate postings, but feels so wonderful to know that there is such positive energy and support from all of you. Thank you!

I would like to harness some of that energy and ask you to send healing, healthy thoughts/wishes/prayers to Papa (Taylor's father) as he goes in for surgery tomorrow. We will be thinking of him and hope that you can take a moment to keep him in your thoughts too.

There will be blood...

2008-03-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

It's not just the title of a movie, folks! I did a couple home tests over the weekend and a confirmatory blood test on Monday...all negative. My period started today and the two week cycle begins again. We have ordered the sperm shipment and are planning the second insemination. I am hopeful that it will work and terrified that it won't. Here we go again!!!

Not today, probably not this month

2008-03-21T18:18:00.000-07:00

So we took a blood pregnancy test at work today. My co-worker Heather was so super sweet and stayed late to run it for us and then gave us a very nice note telling us that our result was negative. It is a little bit early so it may be a false negative and we will do another test if I don't get my period but it probably just didn't happen this month. :( The part that pisses me off is that I was so sure that I was pregnant. Oh well. We will try again and figure out what to do better. Taylor keeps repeating what our doctor and the meditation c.d. say; that our family will be created in its own right time and in its own right way. Which is right...and we will be very ready for it when it does happen!!! :)

Waiting is torture...

2008-03-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

As several people have pointed out one of the most annoying things about waiting to find out if you are pregnant is that most of the early pregnancy signs are pre-menstrual signs as well. I have had odd side pains since insemination, a day and a half of dizziness, and the ever annoying sore breasts. I don't know if I feel pregnant because I have no idea what that would feel like but I do think that I might be. Taylor is much more cautious and says "there is no reason to think you aren't pregnant." Which basically means she doesn't want to get her hopes up just in case. Probably the smart thing to do but I am very hopeful!

On Tuesday we were on a panel about lesbians having babies (technically Taylor identifies as queer but she was cool with it) for the Forest Grove PFLAG group. It was us and another couple who have an adorable 3 month old baby who smiled at me...Taylor says this is a sign that he was recognizing that I am pregnant but we will see. It was so interesting to talk about our process and listen to another couple describe their process. It is really empowering to realize that we do have some control over all of this in the way we address things, the decisions we make, and the pride we take in ourselves, our friends/family, and community. I would like to think everyone at the Forest Grove PFLAG group for making us feel so welcome.

The mind plays tricks...on my boobs!

2008-03-16T21:44:00.000-07:00

As some of you know I am somewhat high anxiety in general but you may not know that I have a tendency for psychosomatic illness. Like when I read about some condition online I tend to start seeing the symptoms in myself or Taylor. This is why I am rarely "allowed" to look up symptoms we really do have lest I convince myself we have some kind of plague. So it isn't so surprising that I am doing that now when I have another week or so to wait until we find out if we are pregnant. For example our friend Hillary mentioned that one of the ways that she knew she was pregnant with her son was a lot of breast tenderness. I had had a little soreness prior to that but of course the next day they were significantly more sore. Taylor was pointing out that they could just be sore because I had been poking them to see if they were sore...valid albeit annoying point. I am trying to keep in mind that even if fertilization occurred last week it does not mean that implantation has or will occur...and there is nothing I can do about any of it aside from trying to control the impulse to look up information that is not going to be helpful! :)

We hibernated for most of last week as the first part of the week was emotionally stressful for us both and in addition had been somewhat physically stressful for me. On Friday though, we had a mellow night with our friends Hillary and Ian and their little boy Jude (who is so adorable that he would make most people want to have a baby!). We were extra social this weekend and went out of town to visit our friends Becky and Garren and their fabulously self confident daughter Erica. We relaxed in their newly remodeled house and watched a somewhat disturbing romantic comedy. We usually attend a Sunday night party to watch the L word but as we were late getting home after stopping to visit family we decided to stay home and be calm. My goal lately is to try to breathe and be calm. Less stress=increased fertility and healthier environment for the potential baby.

Positive frame of mind

2008-03-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delay in posting! The insemination yesterday morning went well, our doctor was still not able to get into the inner os but she seems confident. We did get the sperm in and there is a good chance that I could get pregnant as the sperm is good quality and I seem to have no fertility challenges except for a cranky cervix and lack of sperm. The insemination was a lot easier and she did not need to be as invasive with the outer os (no lidocaine or tenaculum...fun clamp thing) we listened to a visualization CD from Belleruth Naparstek (I so love saying that) that was so relaxing that I drifted off during the insemination, Taylor and Dr. Hanaway really enjoyed it too. Dr. Hanaway left and we got to lay together for about 45 minutes before I had to go to work. It really reinforced how happy we are we decided to go a less medicalized route. So we will see what is what in a couple weeks; if I am pregnant we will be ecstatically terrified and if not we will have a lot more information on how to improve the next insemination.

Think Fertilization

2008-03-10T19:18:00.000-07:00

I had a positive test this morning and we did an insemination this evening and plan another one for 8 tomorrow morning!! Our doctor was unable to get through the inner os but did put sperm in so it is what it is at this point. I am disappointed about not getting all the way in but trying not to be...apparently my cervix points down (damn cervix) and while the outer os was wide open the inner had some issues. We will see what happens tomorrow and really it just takes one getting to the egg, right?. Dr. Hanaway was great and talked me through all the uncomfy parts, we played music that Taylor had compiled, Taylor thawed the sperm and held my hand through the whole thing, we also did a visualization afterwards led by the doctor that was really nice and relaxing. I am having a little cramping and a little bleeding and am just trying to take it easy. Taylor had her first night of class tonight and had to be a little late but I was so glad she stayed. As I am tired, emotional, and crampy that is all for tonight. Thanks for all the good wishes and love! :)

Swimmers Arrive!

2008-03-08T16:32:00.000-08:00

The sperm are here!!! The Fed Ex people were an hour early, not that I was standing by the door or anything. Enjoy our silly picture!

It's in the mail...

2008-03-07T19:52:00.000-08:00

I heard from our fabulous friend Cindy at California Cryobank (where I used to work) that according to her "the kids have left the building". She gave the sperm a pep talk and me a calming talk and they are on their way. I do have the tracking number (because Cindy is fully aware of my anxiety issues...even knowing that she gave me her cell number again) so I can obsessively watch them make their way to Oregon tomorrow....currently they have left Menlo Park, CA about an hour ago. Think happy thoughts for a safe journey.

The tank will be coming to Salem as we are staying with our family this weekend. I am going to a class with my cousin, Jessica and Taylor will hang out at the house with our nieces and their dad. Seeing Brinsley and Brooklynn and what great parents Jessica and Travis are, always reinforces our decision to parent.

I promise more updates as they occur!

Faux Marriage and then the Baby Carriage

2008-03-01T20:02:00.000-08:00

So I forgot to mention that we registered for the Oregon state domestic partnership. Or as we like to say we got "faux married" this week. Before all of the sickness occurred we had our friend Ingrid, who is a notary, sign our papers for us and then we had a fabulous dinner with her and our friends Mike and Alisyn at a vegan restaurant. We didn't get a chance to file until Tuesday before going to see our lawyer to finalize our estate planning. At this point we are all set legally as a couple which is nice and the opportunity to have a state partnership is great too but I have to admit to a lack of excitement about the registration process. We have registered so many places now that it has lost any real feeling of accomplishment or celebration. I save that for when we can actually have federal rights. I don't mean to sound whiny and ungrateful for all the wonderful work that has gone into securing these new domestic partnership rights because I am grateful. I just would love to be able to be legally married. Anything else starts to seem like an insult after awhile.

In terms of the babymaking the sperm is set to arrive in Oregon on 3/8. This is Day 14 of my cycle. I have not ovulated this early before but have had a positive test (which indicates ovulation with occur within 24-36 hours) on Day 15 and more frequently on Days 17 and 18...so we will just see. Thank goodness the tank is good for seven days! When I have positive test (testing in the early afternoon) the plan is to call our doctor and she will come to the house and do an insemination that night and the following day/night. Then we can do a pregnancy test in 12-14 days. If I am pregnant, yay!!! If not, I will get my period and try again in approximately 2 more weeks.

It is getting so close now. :)

The Sunday Curse

2008-02-25T21:19:00.000-08:00

Lately I feel like the weekends are not relaxing because I can't seem to get well! Three weekends ago I developed a case of the stomach flu and missed Monday to spend some quality time in our bathroom. The weekend before last I got a nasty nasty cold which meant I missed a bunch of work that I can't afford to miss and this last weekend I was recovering from the cold still and got my period to round the weekend out. Although we did have a moment of "this might be the last period for awhile!!!".

To update; we did get to see my cervix. Kinda felt like we were in a 1970's self help group with a hand mirror but it was interesting. Even more interesting Taylor was excited once she was forced to look. :)

Everything still looks good to go for March, probably the week of the 10th!!! We are so so excited. Tomorrow we go to the doctor so that she can pass a uterine sound through the cervix as a trial.

We are realistically hopeful about the insemination and we will keep you updated. Thank you for all of your kind thoughts. :)

Damn Ovaries

2008-02-10T08:28:00.000-08:00

So I ovulated early this month. Only by a day or two but still it is annoying. Very annoying. My body has been exceedingly predictable up until this point but of course this month, the month before the actual insemination, it does something funky. Especially annoying as I have an appointment on Tuesday for our doctor to check out what my cervix looks like when I am ovulating. Sigh. This has been a weird month at work in terms of getting people pregnant too, all the donor egg cycles seem to be a little off. Is there something in the air? Let's hope better things for next month! I feel like we are in countdown mode and I am excited and nervous and then nervous about being too nervous. As a side note, I would like to recommend the Clearblue Easy Digital Ovulation Kits with the smiley face. SOOOO much better than staring at two blue lines and trying to figure out if one is darker which invariably leads to you muttering in frustration at a stick you just peed on. Good times.

Legal Stuff

2008-02-04T18:28:00.000-08:00

I thought I should write a post about all the fun legal stuff we are dealing with. Especially as our very good friend and future honorary uncle of our baby, Andy, keeps asking me for information. As some of you know there was a domestic partnership law (Oregon Family Fairness Act) that was to go into effect on 1/1/08. An out of state private christian special interest group (The Alliance Defense Fund) got an injunction that prevented it from going into effect until a judge ruled against them last Friday. Registration opened today but my understanding is that the Alliance Defense Fund will appeal the decision. Coincidentally, we had scheduled our first appointment with a lawyer for last week, the day after we went to a rally to support the domestic partnership law. The meeting with the lawyer was really good (she is queer and super nice) although spendy, we will meet with her two more times until it is all finalized. We are getting wills, health care directives, financial directives, and disposal of body directives ($1500) and our lawyer will be able to do the adoption as well once the baby is here ($1000). It is really frustrating and crazy making to realize that even if the domestic partnership law stays in effect we will still not be protected if we leave the state. Hence needing the health care directives in particular. The law is a wonderful step and when we are registered means that we have more protections and rights as a couple in the state but is not the same as marriage and does not equal marriage. The adoption aspect illustrates this as well. Taylor has to adopt our child. This has becoming increasingly stressful and sad as we are closer to being parents. Taylor really has been struggling with it lately as it is so insulting to plan our family together, select a donor together, to plan to be together for the insemination, pregnancy, birth, and parenthood but to be told that Taylor is not a legal parent until an adoption is finalized. If we were a married heterosexual couple using anonymous donor sperm the non biological parent (in this case the husband) would not have to adopt their child. We learned that we need to visit the lawyer when I am in my second trimester so that I can fill out an interim document that will state that my wishes are that Taylor is the parent of our child if something happens to me during pregnancy, during birth, or after birth until the adoption is finalized. It isn't 100% but since I have no family opposition it should allow Taylor to make decisions about the baby as well as me. As soon as the baby is born one of our first calls has to be to the lawyer so that she can come to where we are and have us sign papers to file. It then takes 1-2 months before the adoption is finalized. As much as I liked the lawyer I would rather be calling family and friends at that time! Good news is that the home study (where a social worker comes to your home and inspects it and you) can be waived as there is a biological parent retaining parental rights in the adoption. The bad news is that Taylor also has to have a criminal background check which seems like so much bullshit. At least we feel informed about the process and we feel all grown up having a lawyer. It also reinforces that much work still needs to be done to achieve equality for queer families.

Appointments

2008-01-16T21:45:00.001-08:00

It was a week of appointments. I had a brief physical, pap smear, pelvic exam, and blood work (thyroid, CBC, cholesterol, rubella immunity, etc.) through my insurance primary care provider. Then we had a two hour counseling session, we do two hours every two weeks. I felt like we covered a lot of issues which was fabulous. I had my second (and since then my third) acupuncture appointment and then we had our first real appointment with our naturopath who will be doing the insemination. I don't know if I have posted about this but we are working with a naturopath who is going to do IUI (intrauterine insemination) at our home and also do some guided visualization exercises for relaxation and fertility. I had a full physical and medical health history and am to go in next month to have a vaginal exam so that she knows what my cervix looks like for the actual insemination. Good Times. Actually, it was rather exciting!! Having all of this done makes me feel like we are on our way. I wish that we could plan to start next month but work...in this case a conference...prevails. All the tests looked good (cholesterol is a little high but that is normal for me and not diet related apparently) and all the doctors/providers see no reason why I shouldn't be able to get pregnant which was reassuring. Now I just have to remember to relax. :)

Resolutions

2008-01-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

We went to our friends' (Amelia and Sarah) house tonight for the season premiere party of The L Word (in case you are not a viewer this is a lesbian drama/soap opera on Showtime that varies from great to a guilty pleasure to really really bad but still a must see as it is pretty much the only lesbian option out there). I had this moment where I had to pause when talking about our baby plans in which I realized that we could be a couple weeks pregnant by the end of the season of the show. This has been happening more and more lately...Thanksgiving, Solstice all times where we pause and say..."we could have a baby or we could be pregnant this time next year." I know that it is common that everything becomes about the pregnancy, about having a baby when you are in the process of trying and it is starting to be true for us. I think we had mentioned in earlier blogs that we had a list of things we wanted to do to prepare for the pregnancy (probably the reason that we...mostly Taylor...made only one New Years resolution this year; we already have a bunch of them). We have been working on the list in the last couple of months; I have started acupuncture to optimize fertility, we are in couples counseling to improve communication prior to a baby and to have a therapeutic relationship in place if there are problems conceiving, we have improved our diet and exercise plans, we switched insurance, we are tracking my menstrual cycle, I have had blood work and am in the process of having several physical exams, I am on a prenatal vitamin, we bought and relocated sperm, and we are planning on making an appointment with a lawyer soon. All of this understandably focuses our attention on the baby making and yet I find myself trying to focus more on the steps to get there than the thought of being pregnant. I think that I am scared that if I think about actually getting pregnant that I will jinx it somehow. Silly, I know but when you want something so much and for so long it sometimes seems impossible that it could actually happen. Instead I work on the things I can control, the things that I can plan. Those of you that know me will know that this is nothing new and that planning actually calms me down from my usual anxious state of being. So feel free to ask me what daycare options are near my work or on average how many cycles it takes to get pregnant using frozen donor sperm but if you ask if I am excited about the insemination I am likely to look at you blankly and stammer...or better yet ask Taylor because she is on the excitement train and ready to go! If the combination of our different personalities works as well in parenthood as it does in a relationship, this baby will be very lucky. :)

The Trip

2007-12-26T16:30:00.000-08:00

We are back! The trip was a success...whoo hoo!! We planned to fly into Oakland but we got to the airport (no, we didn't check first!) and found that our flight was delayed 2-3 hours. We managed to get on a plane to San Francisco and rent a car and drive to the hotel in Oakland. It actually worked out pretty well. We were super early getting to Berkeley because I, as usual, was overanxious. We decided to go to a wonderful french restaurant we found a year or so ago and pick up some pastries for the staff of TSBC to go with the box of chocolates. It took forever but we were right on time. It is weird how you build something up in your head for so long and it is somewhat anticlimactic when it happens. It was another day at the office for everyone but we were very excited. They brought out the tank and took us in a room so that we could look at the vials (Taylor thought this was pretty cool as the liquid nitrogen vapor comes out of the tank...our own personal music video). For people who aren't in the know I think it is shocking that the vials are so small (especially as they cost so much). They are about an inch high and had a color, number, and ejaculation date on them. We drove them to California Cryobank and had a lovely lunch (bringing them even better chocolates!) with my old co-workers (I can't rave enough about how wonderful they all are) and filled out our paperwork. So the babies (or baby making materials) are now in their new home and are being well taken care of until we need them. We then had to drive back to Berkeley and return the tank. The rest of the weekend was great. We saw some friends...our friends April and Jake are in the process of trying to adopt and we are so excited for them. It was really interesting to discuss some of the parallels between their road to parenthood and ours. We ate a lot of bad for us food and spent some time in the city. We remembered why we love San Francisco and decided that we don't want to rule out the possibility of living there again some day. We are committed to being in Portland for the next four years and we really enjoy our current jobs but you never know! January is a month of doctor's appointments so I will keep you updated.

We are off....

2007-12-20T16:09:00.001-08:00

We fly to California tonight to get the sperm for what has been dubbed "the great sperm transport of 2007". Wish us luck!!! :)

Reflections from Taylor

2007-12-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

Megan and I recently celebrated our 7 year anniversary (!) at a vegan restaurant named Nutshell with my parents. We met my parents there after we both got off work and before going home. It was a very yummy dinner and we had a good time. We were there for a couple of hours and got home about 12 hours after we had left for work that morning. We have 2 very spoiled cats - they have an automatic litter box and automatic food dishes. We got them these things because we are a little bit lazy and have had a lot of evenings like the one on our anniversary. Staying out late without having to worry about feeding the cats relieves a lot of pressure for us. That time of our lives though, is changing. Part of me will mourn the loss of evenings like that once the baby is here (or, let's be realistic, once Megan is pregnant) though it feels like less of a loss to me now than it did a year ago. Megan and I have been through a lot of changes together during the course of our relationship - our last two years of undergrad, our respective graduate school programs, moving across the country twice, a couple of overseas vacations, and probably most challenging, surviving life in (and paying $1,000 rent a month for) a 250 squre foot stuido apartment in San Francisco with 2 cats. These big things, and countless little things, have made our relationship what it is. Of all our experiences, however, one of the most profound things for me, was helping to support our friends through the prenancy, birth, and loss of their first baby, Natalie. Being the youngest of three children and of my 15 cousins, I did not have many (if any) experiences with babies until I met Natalie. Over the course of her all too short life, I celebrated many 'firsts' with her. She is a very special person and I will always cherish her for many reasons including the one 'first' that I didn't know I was missing - the desire to parent. This desire has been reinforced even more over the last year and a half, since we moved back to Oregon. I have gotten to spend quite a bit of time with our neices, Brinsley and Brooklynn (two of the reasons we moved to Oregon) which has been quite enjoyable and served as a fabulous learning experience.

Megan and I are almost 3 years apart in age - not a very significant difference in most respects, but a huge one in regard to the lifespan milestones of our 20s. I was only 20 when we got together (Megan was 23) and did not know any close friends who had gotten married. Megan, on the other hand, was going through the last of a series of weddings of her friends, including the wedding of her cousin with whom she has a very close relationship. At the time, I didn't know the impact those weddings had on her, but looking back on it, I can say with a fair amount of confidence that it was a significant impact - but not as significant as when some of those friends started having babies 4 years ago. Our difference in age was never so apparent as it was at that point - something I felt a little bit guilty about at the time. Had we had access to sperm, I think she would probably have tried to convince me (and she might have even succeeded) to try to get pregnant then. I'm glad it didn't work out that way, though, because I know I was not personally ready to have children at that point - that I was still doing quite a bit of growing up myself. It was too soon for me to give up the lifestyle I so enjoyed and having my biggest worry be whether the cats food timer did not go off (something our cat Cleo tries to convince us of on a regular basis). That isn't to say that I consider myself a grown-up at this point, but I know I've come a long way in just the last couple of years and I'm ready to let go of that part of my life because I truly believe that parenting will be more fulfilling - something I couldn't have imagined just a short while ago.

The Big Purchase

2007-12-10T22:02:00.000-08:00

We bought $2,670 worth of sperm on Friday. Yeah... Happy Solstice to us! Speaking of, we will be transporting the sperm from one bank to the other next Friday so wish us luck. I promise a much longer post this week!

And the winner is...

2007-12-04T20:01:00.000-08:00

For some reason I thought that picking a donor would be easier; we managed to narrow it down to five and we ordered and received the long profiles. Here is where knowing too much becomes a problem. I expected the super investigated, genetic counselor reviewed, 30 plus page profiles that I was in charge of helping donors prepare and instead we got shorter, less complete, doctor reviewed perfectly adequate (and very similar to egg donor profiles that I have seen) profiles. Apparently I didn't realize that I was as stressed as I was because I basically had a panic attack wondering if I had picked the wrong bank, if we could find the right donor, and the enormity of picking a sperm donor was overwhelming. Taylor, as usual, helped calm me down by reminding me that there were very specific reasons we chose this bank (see earlier post on this) and that we are not perfect and can not expect the donor to be perfect. Typically, heterosexual couples do not research each others family health history before getting together, before having a baby. We have the challenge and the privilege of trying to select someone whose genetic material will help us expand our family. What we have realized through this process is that it is as important to us that we feel the donor would be a positive person for our child to meet as it is that they have a perfect health history. With all these factors in mind it was easier to narrow down the choices, two were easy to discard due to various factors (current drug use, immature responses etc.) of the final three we liked two best. Taylor was really drawn to one over the other because he made her laugh and the bank came through in providing really personal perspectives of the donors when I called, which confirmed our decision. I don't feel comfortable posting the donor number on the blog but if you are a friend or family member feel free to e-mail me directly and I promise to share. After making the decision the stress is greatly relieved and we are again focusing on the things we need/want to do before we start inseminations. Enjoy the picture of Taylor with the winning profile. :)

Thanksgiving

2007-12-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

Hi all...an explanation of why I haven't posted since last week will be forthcoming but I thought that we should have more pictures! This is a picture that Taylor took of me, my mother, my uncle, and cousin at the vegan thanksgiving celebration at our house. I look oddly vampirish but all in all a nice picture. We had a great time and everyone was a good sport and tried new things. Happy Belated Thanksgiving.