Adventures in Queer Parenting

Monday, September 23, 2013

Final Post

Clearly, this blog was more about getting pregnant than it was about tracking Quinn's childhood and our parenting adventures. She will be turning 5 in a couple of months and just started pre-K! We honestly have no concept of where the time has gone and it only continues to speed by even faster. Here is a picture of her on her first day: Quinn continues to amaze, amuse, and befuddle us. We are always proud of her and hope that she is as proud of herself! Our journey as parents is still just beginning, though we have come further than we ever dreamed possible. We are excited to announce that we will be getting married in Washington this November now that the federal government recognizes same-sex marriages based on place of ceremony. We hope to get married in Oregon in 2015 on our 15 year anniversary assuming Oregon voters do the right thing next year and change the laws. Quinn is excited as this means she gets to be a flower girl two times! We continue to have conversations about gender and queer families and what those things mean to us and our family. She asks questions when she's curious, though sometimes we volunteer information when she could care less. In her short life time so much has changed in this country (and in some parts of the world) - and we hope will continue to change - so that these conversations and her experiences continue to be positive ones rather than helping her understand people's ignorance around these issues. We took advantage of Quinn's grandparents and great-grandmother being at the beach this weekend. Here's a picture of us there. .

Monday, February 13, 2012


Quinn informed us today that her friends Apple and Grady were in the car and that they were being good and not hitting. Good times with well behaved imaginary friends.

Conversation with a very tired, cranky, non-napping Q last Friday:

Mommy to Zaza: "Honey, blah blah blah" (can't remember what I said).
Quinn yelling from the backseat: "I'm not Honey"
Mommy: "I wasn't calling you Honey, I was talking to Zaza"
Zaza: "Sometimes we call you Honey or Peanut just like your friend A's mommy calls her Bug or Buggy Boo"
Quinn (crying): "No, I'm not poo, I am NOT POOOOOO!!!!!"

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Birthday Fun!

No excuses---just life! We now have a big kid three year old, or so she tells, screams, and instructs us on a regular basis. We kept with our tradition (which is a rip off of Taylor's family tradition) of just having a small gathering of family and friends for Q's birthday last month--including our fabulous new nephew Brennan. She can look forward to bigger parties at 5, 10, and 15. However, other families don't have this policy so we have begun the rounds of three year old birthday parties which so far have been every weekend for the last three weeks. It has actually been pretty fun--so far we have been to the MJCC gym, the Chinese Gardens/Old Town Pizza, and the Southwest Community Center gym. We have also perfected the present situation. As we do not have a huge amount of disposable income but still want to bring the tiny friends presents, we now are connoisseurs of the Dollar Store. We let our kid grab a bunch of stuff put it in the cart (which she has to push herself--because she can do everything HERSELF--or so she tells us) and then she can pick out five things and a gift bag. As long as we avoid the random stickers of Jesus on the cross--yeah they have them--we are good. Also easy to avoid the gendered pitfalls of present giving as we usually stock up on bubbles and stickers. I still am fascinated by how the fallback (sometimes first choice) for gifts is a vehicle of some kind for boys and a princess (Disney preferred) for girls.

The gender stuff is always of interest to us and now that Q wants to spend her entire school day in a princess dress it comes up a little more. She told us only girls can wear princess dresses, but when asked, told me I was boy in a skirt. Good times!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

New Beginnings

Long time no blog! We are doing well and continuing to grow and learn as a family. Quinn is amazing, challenging, and frequently quirky and crazy. She moved to a new classroom this fall at her fabulous school. Apparently Q is like her Mommy and has trouble with transitions--it has been a little heartbreaking to go back to crying drop offs but I think she is starting to adjust.

It is interesting for us as she and her tiny friends have become so social and great at talking. Q has been talking about families a lot lately--she knows that many of her friends have a Mommy and a Daddy but is very clear that she does not have a Daddy she has a Zaza. We have found that in parenthood as with life in general the things that we have to be more vocal about are less to do with sexual orientation but more about gender and gender identity. Possibly because we live in Portland and have a very supportive school atmosphere (I really want to acknowledge the wonderfulness of our city) we have many people that go out of their way to point out to their kids or correct their kids around the fact that Quinn has "two mommies". They aren't doing this in a negative way and really I believe everyone is coming from a good heart and trying to be supportive...but Q doesn't have two mommies. She has a mommy and a zaza. So we are in a position of deciding how to let people know this in a way that doesn't create tension and still gets the point across. I think we have done well--most of the time we just say something like "actually Quinn has a mommy and a zaza--I'm her xxx, insert name here--nice to meet you". People have responded well although I don't think they really get it--even when we clarify with--well, Taylor doesn't identify as male or female so mommy and daddy don't really work but I think it is important to be clear and proud about who we are as a family for us and for Q. I can't wait to see what conversations we have as she gets older!

Sunday, May 8, 2011


After dropping food on the floor:

"It happens"

Her new phrase when she hasn't seen you in a little while:

"How ya doin today, mommy/zaza?"

Also used:

"How ya doin' today, Zaza's tummy?"

After she told us she had an owie and we asked how she was doing:

"No big deal"

When she gets upset:

"Keen (how she says Quinn) takes a break and breathes" (we have taught her some relaxation breathing).

And my favorite of the month, especially given the gender issues involved, Quinn's new occasional name for Zaza makes me giggle every time.

"Miss Zaza"

The picture on this post is Quinn and her cousin. She really enjoys holding hands and hugging friends.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Quinn sings ABCs

Here is an awkwardly captured video of Quinn singing the ABCs. She has just started this in the last week and her progress seems quite impressive. She also loves chanting numbers, any number from 1 to 9, and sometimes 10; she chants these numbers in very unique combinations and orders. So far, we can't discern a pattern, but she does seem to have a fondness for 2, 3, 8. We have a back-log of videos that we will try to post. And now that Taylor has school to procrastinate, some of them might even be posted in the coming weeks!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Tired Mama Ramble

Another year, another work holiday party! I think our picture turned out rather nice. Quinn is crazy busy all the time and she is speaking more and more in sentences. Also, she notices things that I don't even notice---and I've come the conclusion that Quinn and Taylor share the same OCD quirks (or maybe Taylor is really a toddler). They like things to be done in the same repetitive way, thrive on routine, and like correcting me. So much for genetics!! We finished teaching our class except for final grades which is a big relief and somewhat of a downer as we enjoyed our students quite a bit. I know it was probably just another class to them but it was a wonderful experience for us and I hope that they learned something. We have been asked to be on a panel at a local gender and sexuality conference in the spring. I think the panel is "queering the family" or something along those lines so it should be fun. I know this is rather disjointed but I am exhausted! I really wanted to post though. Solstice is coming up next Tuesday and I am really surprised this year by how much I want it to be meaningful for Q. We have a small tree and are trying to establish traditions that are consistent. I want it to be meaningful for us too--developing your own holiday stuff is exhausting--almost makes me want to revert back to Christmas and Santa but not enough because seriously, Santa creeps me out. Happy Holidays!