March Update

Quinn is doing great--she is so big that I feel cliche making comments about how time has flown and I don't know how she got so grown up. She is playing peekaboo (and even said it once), trying to say book and more, cruising around although not walking on her own yet. She has big kid shoes, holds her own bottles, and eats chunky food. We even went on a play date last month which was fun and we are extremely relieved and excited that she likes her new school so much. The smaller class size and the time spent outside has created a much calmer environment for her and us. I think going three consecutive days a week works much better as well.

Someone said that we were "natural parents" the other day and I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. While a lot of parenting seems second nature most of it is new and challenging and challenges us as partners as well. Which I think is one of the reasons that we aren't planning on having another child--we could change our mind someday but right now this feels like the right decision for us.

I think the biggest thing about being a parent is the loss of the control from what you want and what your child wants/needs. Also, we thought we were prepared for some of the random questions and situations that our unique family faces but have still been surprised. We have been asked several times where we "got" Quinn (I usually reply "my uterus") as people assume she is adopted (although technically she is as Taylor had to adopt her), most of the time I don't mind talking about the donor or our process in getting pregnant but sometimes people ask really personal questions and it just depends on the mood I am in in terms of how I answer them, Taylor had to argue and call our lawyer after having some problems getting Quinn's amended birth certificate because they didn't understand that due to Oregon's domestic partnership law she was already on the original birth certificate and we learned a few weeks ago that one of Taylor's extended family made some nasty comment while I was pregnant that she wouldn't want her children playing with ours. Big loss---but still a reminder of what we (and more importantly Quinn) will have to deal with. Finally, I am continually surprised by how much people buy into gender roles even for babies. We have made a commitment to dress Q in gender neutral clothes until she can voice what she wants to wear and I constantly get people acting as if we are depriving her because she isn't in pink ruffles. I am wearing pink as I type this--we are not (okay maybe Taylor is) anti-pink but for us, because we view gender is such a different way than most of society, we are trying to give Quinn more of a chance to express herself and don't see this as a restriction.

These things aren't huge issues but little things that tend to wear on you sometimes--I think though, for me, it really energizes me to want to be an advocate for our family and for queer/trans folk. So despite our busy schedules we have decided to teach the Intro to Queer Studies class we taught when I was pregnant, again. Wish us luck!